Waking Up In Vegas
by Gee-KayLady
Summary: Another 'Doug's sister at the bachelour party' story. Phil romance. I suck at summeries but it'ss good so please read :
1. Chapter 1

**Hey :) I'm sooo disappointed at the lack of Hangover fan fiction, so I'm doing one :P Phil is so hot so I'm gonna do a romance for him and follow the script as close as possible but add my own story so you're not just reading the film :D and in this version Phil's wife and child don't exist so the OC plot is easier. Anyway I don't anything accept my character Rachel Billings so far.  
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_8 years ago in high school senior year_

It was ten minutes until the limo came to take them to prom. Rachel Billings was in her room applying the last touches to her makeup. Her twin brother Doug was at the door of her room talking to her because she was not going to let him in. She wanted to make a grand appearance for him, and her best friends Stu Price and Phil Wenneck, both of whom were going solo. Actually, Doug was the only one who had a date. He had finally got the courage to ask out Tracy Garner.

She looked at her reflection one more time. Her dark brown hair was half up and poofed slightly, the rest of it falling back down past her shoulders. She admired her pleasant figure in her dark blue skinny, slinky dress with glitter sparkling all over it. She leaned in one last time to check the silver eye makeup above her impressive chocolate eyes, different to Doug's deep blue ones.

"Hey, Rea? Hurry up; the limo'll be here any minute." Doug said for the umpteenth time.

"Ok, ok." Rachel called, once again looking at how stunning she looked, "just go into the living room with the others and I'll be out in a minute."

She heard her brother leave into the hallway and headed for the door. She took a deep breath and brushed creases from her dress. Reaching for the door handle, she hoped she would impress her crush Phil Wenneck. She was so upset that he hadn't asked her to go, but she was determined to get at least one dance with him tonight. Standing at the corner to the living room, she turned into the open doorway, leaned against the frame and threw her arms out.

"Ta da!" She said stepping into the room fully. Tracy and Doug who were sitting on the black leather sofa, looked at her and their jaws dropped, Stu who was pacing since the limo was late, removed his hand from his face and smiled at Rachel, whom he was so used to seeing in just jeans and tees. Finally, Phil, who was looking out of the window, turned and saw her. His mouth hung open and he couldn't take his eyes off her. She looked completely, breathtakingly, beyond belief beautiful. He had tried to ask her to prom on multiple occasions and ask her out for years before hand, but had chickened out because she and her twin brother were his best friends. She looked at them expectantly.

"So, what do you think?" she asked. Everyone nodded their heads.

"You look so pretty, Rae." Tracy said, beaming. Doug nodded in agreement. Rachel then looked at Stu.

"You look really great." He smiled. Then, lastly she gazed over at Phil, who was speechless for a moment then nodded.

"You look beautiful." He muttered with a small smile. She blushed, feeling triumphant as the doorbell went and the limo driver was let in by Doug and Rachel's mom. The five teens lined up along the wall as Mrs. Billings took photo after photo of them until finally she let them leave in the limo.

When they got to the hotel their school had hired out for the prom, they got out, eyes wide at the beauty of the place. Exotic plants had been situated everywhere and there was a picturesque water fountain in front of the building. Vines had been wound around the double doors, which were wide open revealing a long red carpet into a spectacularly lit hallway. Doug took Tracy's arm, which had the floral wristlet on her wrist and escorted her in. Stu and Phil, who were both solo, looked at Rachel, who smiled at both of them, and extended one arm to each of them. Phil on her right arm, and Stu on her left, they went into the disco themed hall together. The music was blasting and a lot of people were already dancing. This included Doug and Tracy who went straight to the dance floor. Rachel went and danced with some of the boys she had turned down in the hope that Phil would ask her as she was too popular for her own good and she would be the first person to tell you. Stu hung with some guys he knew briefly from his medical classes and Phil stayed put with a class of punch at the side lines. He was very popular with the ladies and could've had his pick of any single lady (and some of the attached ones) there but he was completely entranced by the one lady he thought he could never have. Rachel was now spinning and twirling with her brother whilst Tracy was giving Stu some attention. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Every time she stumbled, laughed, was spun around, helped Doug out with his two left feet, he was watching. Phil had had such deep feelings for Rachel for so long, but tried so hard to suppress them. Then, after a while of watching, he found looking just wouldn't do it for him anymore.

_One dance couldn't hurt_ he thought. He walked over to where Doug and Rachel were dancing and cut in, smirking. Doug was a little reluctant about giving her up to Phil as he knew how Phil was with girls (although Rachel was technically half an hour older than him and he knew Phil wouldn't hurt her) but he did willingly let go of Rachel allowing Phil to step in. He wrapped an arm tenderly around Rachel's waist and the other took her hand in his. She put her other hand on his shoulder rather shakily and she could feel colonies of butterflies in her stomach but she was so happy right now that she didn't care. She had always cared very deeply for Phil, more deeply than any of her other friends. Looking into his sky blue eyes as they began to move slowly, Rachel's smile shrunk from a 'having fun grin' to an 'intimate beam'. Phil looked down at her as he acquainted himself with her shape. He realised how she was looking at him and, in relief, smiled at her in the same way whilst looking into her deep chocolate eyes. They swayed to the music in silence for a while, and then Phil lowered his head and whispered in Rachel's ear.

"Rae, you look really beautiful tonight." He whispered softly, Rachel smiled in surprise and delight, closing her eyes and allowing herself to melt into Phil's body. She had waited so long for this.

"You cleaned up pretty well yourself." Rachel replied, allowing herself to rest her head on Phil's shoulder. He slowly pulled her closer to him, wanting to ease into this comfortably.

"No, really." He continued. "I think you look absolutely perfect." He said, closing his eyes and burying his face in her sweet smelling hair. Rachel beamed in surprise and delight and her eyelids fluttered shut as they continued to sway.

"Thank you, Phil. Who knew you could be such a romantic sap." She joked. Phil chuckled.

"Only for you, baby." He said, without really thinking about it. Rachel's eyes widened. Was that a joke or a come on? She pulled back, still in Phil's grip and looked into his azure blue eyes. He was kicking himself internally for being so forward.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked as they slowed their swaying. Phil sighed and stuttered for a moment before finding his tongue.

"Rae, I really like you. I've liked you for years. Well, i-its more than that. I've got such strong feelings for you, more than I've ever had for any other girl." He confessed. Rachel was shocked and speechless at what he had just said. Phil was a notorious skirt chaser, but he'd just told her all that.

"Phil, I-" she stuttered as they stopped swaying.

"Look, if you don't feel the same way, I totally understand." Sighed Phil, finding his balls. He looked down at his hands which were now down hanging down by his sides, then, his head snapped up again as Rachel slipped her smaller hands into them and squeezed. He smiled at her and they silently left the room and stood in the hallway. Rachel stood with her back to the wall and Phil stood facing her. They were silent for a while before Rachel spoke.

"Did you really mean that?" she asked, praying with all her heart that he had.

"Of course I did. I also meant it when I said I understand if you don't feel the same." Phil sighed. Rachel beamed, so ecstatic she could scream. Without a word, she threw her arms around Phil's neck and kissed him pull on the mouth. He smiled into the kiss and pinned Rachel up against the wall. He slipped his tongue easily into her mouth and caressed her tiny waist. They didn't want to break away, but soon, the need to breathe was overwhelming. They pulled away slowly but kept their eyes shut and their foreheads pressed together. They were both breathing heavily and grinning broadly. Rachel rested her hands on Phil's chest and Phil lovingly stroked her cheek. They opened their eyes and gazed at each other for a while, before Phil asked the man at the front desk for the keys to one of the rooms on the floor the school had hired out and they were kissing in the elevator. They kept kissing down the hallway and when they pushed through the door of the room. Phil discarded the key and Rachel pushed off his tux jacket. Phil broke away from her as she untucked his shirt and looked at her with a playful smirk.

"Will you go to prom with me, Rachel?" he asked her. She smiled at him, leaning into his chest.

"Yes. Of course." She breathed. Phil chuckled and hugged her close. Then her took off his real Rolex watch and clipped it around her small wrist.

"I don't have a fancy floral wristlet but this is the best I can do." He laughed. Rachel giggled.

"I actually think I prefer it." She sighed and they kissed again, heavily and passionately. Rachel continued working on Phil's shirt and they undressed each other until they were both completely naked. Then they collapsed on the bed of a whole nights worth of vigorous love making.

The next morning, Phil woke up to the sound of Rachel's deep breathing and the warmth of her sleeping next to him. He glanced around the room and saw he and Rachel's scattered clothing resting on chairs, the floor and the bathroom door handle. He also noticed his silver Rolex on her arm. He tenderly rubbed her arm in the hope of waking her up. She stirred slightly and turned to face him, her brown eyes fluttering gently open. She beamed at him and he leaned down and kissed her cheek, scooping her up in his arms and holding her close. Their heads were practically touching and Phil cupped Rachel's cheek.

"Rachel?" he whispered.

"Hmmm." He got in response as Rachel shut her eyes again.

"Rea?" he repeated. Rachel opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Rachel, I love you. I love you so much. I always have." Phil admitted, still stroking her cheek, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. That woke Rachel up. She pushed on Phil's chest to get his attention.

"I love you too." Rachel replied with a grin. Phil filled with relief and happiness. He snuggled her closer to him and felt like he could never let her go.

_6 months later_

"Phil, I really can't do this. I'm sorry." Rachel cried, tears streams down her face. It was killing her inside, but she wasn't ready for this kind of commitment. She didn't want to tie Phil down any longer, but he did not want to let go.

"Rae, don't do this. Please, I love you." Phil pleaded, tears welling in his eyes. But he would never let them fall. Rachel so wanted to give into his pleas. To melt into his arms and to say she'd always be his but she couldn't.

"Phil, please. If you really love me you'll understand and you'll-" she was interrupted by Phil pushing his lips to hers. She couldn't resist his kiss but it still wouldn't change her mind.

"I don't understand." Phil whimpered.

"You'll let me go." Rachel finished. Phil's heart shattered into pieces, but he reluctantly complied. He watched as Rachel's tearstained, but nevertheless beautiful face slipped from his touch, and then left his apartment. His heart was utterly obliterated. He swore to himself that he would never love anyone else ever again.

_8 years later in Pasadena, LA. (Beginning of the film)_

Doug and Alan were standing in Alan's bedroom. Doug was changing out of his wedding tux that he had just had fitted and was watching the fitter- Floyd- measure Alan's inseam. All seemed well, until he heard Alan cry out.

"Whoa, watch it, pervert!" Doug sighed at his reaction.

"It's ok, Alan. He's just doing your inseam." He explained.

"He's getting very close to my shaft." Alan said, looking down at Floyd again, who got up and folded his tape measure back up around his hand.

"Ok, all done. You can change now." He said politely, ignoring Alan's previous outbursts and leaving to two men to themselves.

"Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much." Doug called after him as he continued to change and Alan stepped off of the pedestal he had been put on.

"Alright, buddy, we should get a move on." Doug told Alan as they stood back to back.

"You know, Doug, I was thinking…" Alan began sheepishly as he took off his tailed blazer and turned to Doug, "You know, if you want to go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool."

Doug faced the chubby bearded guy before him and sighed shaking his head.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, unbuckling his cufflinks.

"Well Phil and Stu are your buddies and it's your bachelor party and I don't want to embarrass you in front of your sister." Alan explained.

"C'mon, Alan, those two love you. And when we get to Vegas and you meet Rachel, she'll love you too. I promise. Rachel's great." He assured him. It had been a while since he had seen Rachel since she lived in Vegas and only came down when she had time. But she was still his twin sister and she had definitely been invited to the wedding. Plus she and Tracy were friends in high school and she had made her maid of honour. But she couldn't pull away from work soon enough to get back before the bachelor party so Doug had told her to meet them there and come back with them.

"And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back because your wife's brother is there, you know, I just…" Alan tapered off, taking off his trousers to reveal he was wearing only a jock strap underneath.

"It's not like that-" Doug said, smiling until he looked up and saw Alan's bare ass. It took a moment for him to compose himself before he remembered his point and continued. "It's not like that, I already told you, Alan. We're just spending the night in Vegas and picking up my sister. It's no big deal. Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now." He added with a hint of reluctance. He thought the conversation was over until Alan spoke again.

"I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap." Alan said very sincerely. Doug was suddenly quite worried. "Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever speak a word of it ever again."

"Ok, yeah, I got it. Thank you. I don't think that-" he tried to sound appreciative but Alan cut across him again.

"Seriously, I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone." Alan said solemnly, stepping towards him.

"What?" Doug questioned, a little scared.

"You heard me. When in Sin City." Alan winked before adjusting his jock strap, "I will tell no one and no thing as long as I live."

"Ok, I got it. Thank you." Doug whispered nervously, hoping that Alan was done.

"No thank you." Alan muttered pulling Doug into an intimate hug, "I love you so much." He said and Doug awkwardly patted his back to show he was appreciative.

Then they were off to get the guys in the expensive Mercedes Sid had given to Doug to take. This was more heartfelt than one may think as Sid really did love that car as much as one of his children. They parked outside the school where Phil worked as the school bell rang and the excited children ran out. They then saw Phil, aviator shades, hair slicked back and all exiting the building and descending the stairs. He approached by a chubby pre-teen.

"Hey, Mr. Wenneck-" the teen started before Phil raised a hand to silence him.

"It's the weekend, Buddnick, I don't know you, and you do not exist." He interrupted. Alan heard this and turned to Doug.

"Why is he a teacher again?" he asked.

"I have no idea." Doug answered before his friend spotted them.

"Shit, nice car!" Phil exclaimed, throwing his bag in ignoring Doug's protests, "I'm driving."

"Oh, no way is that happening, I promised Sid-" Doug started before Phil jumped into the car and interrupted him too.

"Oh whatever man, just shut up and drive before one of these nerds asks me another question." He said before turning to Alan. "Who's this?"

"It's Alan, Tracy's brother." Doug said.

"Yeah, I met you like four times." Alan whined.

"Oh yeah. How you doing, man?" Phil asked, vaguely remembering their encounters.

"I'm doing fine thank you." Alan said with a smile, forgetting to be offended because he though Phil looked really cool. They drove away towards Stu and Melissa's at speed and Alan wouldn't stop talking. It wasn't until he said something pertinent to Doug that he answered.

"So what's the plan for Vegas?" he asked, Doug pulled up next to the curd outside the house and opened his mouth to answer when Phil boomed from the back seat.

"Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!" he called to the house. Doug ignored him.

"We're going to go straight to Caesar's Palace. We're gonna check in and Rachel's gonna meet us there." Doug explained as Stu came out of his house. Phil's heart missed a beat.

"Rachel? As in Rachel, Rachel?" he inquired. He had seen her a few times since the break up, but never one on one. Mostly at parties where he didn't have to be anywhere near her. Now he was told he was going to have to spend a whole night with her.

"Well if by 'Rachel, Rachel' you mean the Rachel with whom I share half of my DNA then yes, Rachel, Rachel. And don't act all hurt and surprised because a) she's my sister and b) I did tell you all that she would be there because she lives in Vegas and we've giving her a lift back but you heard nothing after 'we're spending the night in Vegas'." Doug said with little to emotion as Stu got into the car. Phil went as white as a sheet. He supposed he would have to play it cool in front of Rachel and let her know that he had moved on. But how could he? What did he have that could ever prove that to her?

"Hey guys." Stu greeted, "Hey what's up with Phil. He looks like he's seen a ghost?"

"Not yet he hasn't but he's just told us he forgot that we were picking up Rachel in Vegas and now he's all worried." Doug explained.

"I am not worried, I just haven't seen her in a while, that's all." Phil tried to assure them as they drove off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there it's chapter two time I hope you like the storyline I've set up now we're getting into Vegas x it's a good thing I have the film or I'd never remember all the lines :P Phil is so hot. Btw Rachel Billings (who is the only thing here I own) is portrayed by Rachel Bilson just in case you were wondering what she looked like. Right, on with it.**

The journey to Las Vegas was a warm, breezy and worrying. Phil's mind was running with thoughts of Rachel. What would he do when he saw her again? How would she act? What did she look like now? Did she have a new man in her life? These were all perfectly valid questions to which Phil both feared and needed to know the answer to. Needing to do something with himself, he asked to stop at the nearest gas station. Doug pulled over into the next one they saw, needing more gas anyway, and allowed he, Phil and Stu to get out of the car. He made Alan stay and watch the car (against his better judgement) because if anything happened to it, he could kiss his marriage to Tracy goodbye.

Phil picked up a big bag of crisps and a few more beers and put them down on the counter, opening the bag and diving in. He stood next to Doug, who was buying a sandwich and a soda. They watched out of the store window as Alan rudely fended off an old man from the car. Phil chuckled as Alan shouted after him.

"He's actually kind of funny." Phil remarked as he stared on through his aviators.

"Yeah, he means well." Doug agreed. They then tilted their heads in confusion as they watched Alan fumble with the gas pump.

"Is he all there, like, mentally?" asked Phil.

"I think so; he's just an odd guy. Kinda weird." Doug replied.

"Should we be worried?" Phil persisted.

"No, no. but Tracy did say we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much." Doug informed him.

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin. He comes with instructions and shit." Phil said as a bottle was placed on the counted from between them. Stu, who had put down the water, then put down his phone.

"All good with Melissa?" Doug asked politely. Stu nodded.

"Oh yeah. I told her we were two hours outside wine country, and she bought it." Stu said proudly.

"Don't you think it's weird that you've been in a relationship for 3 years yet you still have to lie about going to Vegas?" Phil asked. Stu looked at him, dazed.

"Don't _you _think it's weird that you think you're the best looking out of all of us and you haven't been in a solid relationship since puberty?" he quipped. Both Phil and Doug froze as they knew that that last relationship was Rachel.

"I asked you first." Phil said, Stu sighed before answering.

"Yeah, I do. But, trust me; it's not worth the fight."

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a carnival cruise line?" Phil pointed out. Stu shook his head.

"Ok, first off, he was a _bartender_, and she was wasted," he tried to defend Melissa but Phil still looked completely unconvinced, "And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."

"And you believe that?" Phil said, disbelievingly.

"Er, yeah I do believe that because she's grossed out by semen." Stu continued causing Doug, Phil and the lady behind the counter to give a T.M.I expression.

"That'll be $32.50." the lady at the counter said into the silence.

"$32.50, man. You gonna pay it?" Phil said to Stu, who reluctantly handed over the money.

When they were on the road again, Alan looked up from his copy of 'The World's Greatest Black Jack Book' which had a multitude of post-its sticking out of it marking different pages.

"It says here that we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?"

"Hey, Alan I don't think we should be doing too much gambling tonight, buddy." Doug warned, trying to talk him out of it.

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're going to win. Counting cards is a foolproof system." Alan defended.

"It's also illegal." Stu cut in.

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon like… masturbating on an airplane." Alan said after thinking a bit. The others all chuckled.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too." Phil said.

"Yeah, well maybe after 9/11 when everyone gets so sensitive." Alan sighed, the others all smirked. "Thank a lot, Bin Laden."

"Anyway you ask anyone, buddy you gotta be super smart to count cards, okay it's not easy. Just last week Rachel called me saying a buddy of hers got arrested because he got caught trying." Doug told him.

"Oh, really? Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man because he practically bankrupt a casino and he was a ruh-tard." Alan interjected.

"What?" Stu asked.

"He was a ruh-tard." Alan repeated.

"Retard." Doug corrected him as the others laughed.

As night fell, the four of them drove up to the bright lights of Las Vegas. Alan stared wide eyed like a child at Disneyland at all the stripper signs and hotel lights and the Bellagio fountains as they prayed up into the night. They then parked outside of Caesars Palace, gave the keys to the valet and strolled in. They walked right up to the lady at the check in desk who was attractive, smiling, and wearing a shiny name plate that read 'Lisa'.

"Hi, welcome to Caesars." She greeted them cheerily. Phil flashed her the eyes and her smile grew wider as she fell a little in love with them, as every girl who saw them did.

"Hi, we have a reservation under 'Dr. Price'." Stu told her, leaning on the desk.

"Ok, let me look that up for you." Lisa smiled again as she typed on her keyboard. Phil furrowed his brow.

"'Dr. Price'? Stu, you're a dentist. Don't try and get fancy." He joked.

"It's not fancy if it's true." Stu disagreed, still failing at defending.

"He's a dentist, don't get to excited." Phil said, flirting with Lisa, "If someone has a heart attack you should still call 911."

"We'll be sure to do that." Lisa beamed. "Ok, so I have you guys in a two bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that ok?"

"Sounds perfect." Doug remarked. Phil shook his head.

"Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas available." He inquired.

"Phil, we're not even gonna be in the room." Stu complained.

"It's unnecessary." Doug agreed.

"No big deal, we can share beds. It's one night." Stu assured.

"If we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Phil." Alan piped up. Phil looked at him in annoyance. "You good with that?"

"No, I'm not good with that. I don't share beds with guys. What am I 12 years old?" Phil stressed.

"Well you can forget about sharing a bed with Rachel, buddy boy." Doug joked, Stu and Alan laughed but Phil looked less than impressed.

"1, I never said anything about Rachel and 2, Lisa I deeply apologize, how much is the villa?" he growled.

"Well we have one villa available and its $4200 for the night." Lisa explained.

"Is it awesome?" Alan asked.

"It's pretty awesome." Lisa nodded.

"Great, we'll take it. Stu, give Lisa your credit card." Phil ordered.

"I can't give her my credit card." Stu shook his head.

"We'll split it." Doug suggested.

"Are you kidding? This is on us." Phil said, nudging Stu again.

"You don't get it, Melissa checks my statements." Stu argued.

"Well we just need a credit card on file; we won't charge you anything until you check out so you can figure it out then." Lisa interrupted.

"That's perfect, thank you, Lisa." Phil winked, "We'll figure it out tomorrow, c'mon." Stu reluctantly handed the brunette his credit card. Alan then spoke.

"Can I ask you another question?" he quizzed.

"Sure." Lisa smiled.

"You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?" Alan asked. The others looked at him, confused.

"What do you mean?" Lisa inquired. Alan looked at the others nervously with fear of embarrassment.

"Did Caesar live here?"

"Um, no." Lisa chuckled at him and he nodded his head.

"I didn't think so." He lied and he turned away from them as Lisa gave them the key to their suite. They then went up to the room and slowly opened the door. As they saw the room, or rather, palace in front of them, their eyes widened and they all remarked their excitement.

"Shit guys this place is awesome!" Phil sighed, falling down onto the sofa, "Thank you, Stu!"

"Guys I just texted Rachel, she says she'll be here in about 30 minutes." Doug called, shoving his phone back into his pocket. Phil stood up and clapped his hands, commanding the attention of the whole room.

"Alright, 30 minutes you guys, pick a room and get dressed." He ordered, heading for the biggest room even though it wasn't his party. When he and Doug were ready, dressed in sharp suits, they walked into Stu's room to see him still in his underwear and talking to what they knew to be Melissa on the phone. Phil tapped hid watch as a signal for Stu to hurry it up.

"Alright I have to go… wa-wait, I love you… ok, bye." Stu finished before hanging up the phone and putting it on the side.

"I'm not gonna even say anything, it's so embarrassing." Phil mumbled spitefully. Stu rolled his eyes and clipped on his watch, ignoring him.

"Where's Alan?" he asked Doug.

"Downstairs. He said he had to 'grab a few things'." Doug answered with an unsure undertone to his voice.

"Good, because I… have something… to show you." Stu said excitedly, flexing in-between phrases. He then leaned down into his bag and took out a small velvet box. Opening it, he revealed an admittedly beautiful ring. Phil looked absolutely horrified.

"What the fuck is that?" he inquired, although he knew the answer, he was desperately hoping that he was wrong.

"What do you think it is?" Stu returned, still grinning like an idiot as Doug examined the ring.

"Well if it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake." Phil stated, his voice elevating slightly. Stu again ignored him.

"I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding. After the ceremony of course." He told Doug, who beamed at him. Although inside he was thinking something similar to Phil.

"Stuey, congratulations!" he said politely, happy for him despite the fact he was going to marry the world's biggest bitch.

"Thank you, Doug." Stu thanked as he continued to dress himself.

"That's a beautiful ring." Doug mused as he inspected it.

"It was my grandmothers. She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing: it's legit." Stu stated proudly.

"I don't think- have you not listened to anything I've ever said?" Phil stuttered, dumbfounded at Stu's new found level of idiocy.

"Phil, we've been dating for three years, it's time, this is how it works." Stu tried to explain, but to n avail.

"A) that is bullshit and B) she is a _complete_ bitch!" Phil exclaimed, Doug slapped his foot.

"Hey, that's his fiancé!" he defended.

"What? You know it's true, she beats him!" Phil argued. Doug was going to defend some more before Stu cut in.

"That was twice and I was out of line." He cried. Phil and Doug both sighed. "She's strong willed, and I respect that."

"Wow. Wow. He's in denial." Phil commented, "Not to mention she fucked a sailor."

"Hey, he wasn't a sailor. He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that." Doug said.

"You would think after all these years you guys would've stopped all this ridiculous fighting." Came a familiar female voice from the doorframe. Phil's eyes widened and he dared not look at the new comer. For, there was Rachel, looking radiant at 26 leaning on the doorframe and beaming at them.

"Hey! Look who it is!" Doug cried happily.

"Hey hot stuff how's it going?" Rachel spoke cheerily as she wrapped her arms around her brother and released him to give Stu some attention.

"Hey, Stu. How the dental hygiene business treating ya?" Rachel asked, hugging him too.

"Minty." Stu chuckled as he released her. Then, much to everyone's surprise, Rachel walked over to Phil.

"Hiya, Phil. How's life?" she beamed, hugging him as though the break up had never even happened. It took a while for Phil to find his tongue, but after a few moments he could just about talk.

"Y-yeah i-I'm- I'm yeah, I'm good thanks." He just about managed as he looked at Rachel. She was even more beautiful now than she had been when he had last seen her. She was wearing her hair half up, half down like she had for prom. She was wearing a completely figure hugging and beautiful silver dress with matching eye shadow, and beneath that were her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. He smiled widely at him and nodded. Then, another figure appeared in the room.

"Hey, guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" Alan asked. Everyone looked confused.

"Do what?" Rachel quizzed, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Let the dogs out, you know, like 'who let the dogs out? Who? Who?...'" he sang awkwardly. Doug swooped in to try and save Alan some embarrassment.

"Have you met Rachel?" he inquired, pointing to the pretty brunette who, sensing his intentions, smiled at Alan and shook her head. Alan trotted over to them and held his hand out to Rachel.

"Enchante." He said in an attempted seductive tone, kissing Rachel's hand. Rachel laughed as he let it go and used it to whack Phil's belly gently.

"Hey I've known him 5 minutes and I can already tell he's more polite them you." She joked, causing the others to laugh. Doug, now feeling bad for Phil, turned his attention back to Alan.

"Now, c'mon Alan, let's let the dogs out." He said, leading the others out of the hotel room and into the hallway towards the elevator. Phil wrung his hands excitedly and pressed the elevator button before turning to Alan and raising his eyebrows.

"Are you really wearing that?" he asked, looking in awe at the brown shoulder bag Alan draped over his large belly.

"Wearing what?" Alan questioned, confused.

"The man purse." Phil pointed at it, "C'mon are you really wearing that out or are you guys just fucking with me?"

"It's where I keep all of my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Besides, it's not called a man purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one." Alan explained proudly.

"So does Joy Behar." Phil added snidely as the lift doors opened and a man, who was positioned at his girlfriend's crotch, quickly got up. He turned to face the five of them and pointed up.

"We're going up guys." He said timidly as he shrank into the back of the elevator.

"Yeah, that's perfect." Phil mumbled as he led the rest of them in excitedly.

"Up?" Doug asked. While they were on the way up, the creepy guy eyed Rachel up and down seductively and leaned into her.

"Hey, sweetheart, you wanna come to a little party on the 12th floor? You, me and Capree." He muttered, pointing to the petite blonde next to him. Phil heard this and rounded on him.

"I don't know man, I'm not sure how her boyfriend would like that." He said, wrapping an arm around Rachel's shoulders, she leaned into him, playing along, "Right, Rea?"

"That's right." She smiled. She winked at her brother to let him know that they were faking, and Stu and Doug giggled and looked away as the guy looked rather frightened and backed off of Phil.

"Hey, sorry man." He whispered as the doors opened and he and the blonde, Capree, left the elevator. Phil then loosened his grip on Rachel and the five of them laughed.

"Oh, that was good." Rachel grinned.

"What, me calling myself your boyfriend again?" Phil teased. Rachel smirked at him.

"Yeah you wish, Faceman." She laughed as Alan, Doug and Stu joined in. Phil looked less than impressed. Then, the doors opened once again to reveal the door to the roof. Stu looked absolutely mortified. Doug, Alan and Rachel followed Phil down the corridor towards a door that read 'to the roof, authorised personnel only'. Phil opened the door and the others all stepped through silently, except for Stu, who openly expressed his concern.

"I'm just saying, it's clearly marked. We are definitely not supposed to be up here."

"Just wedge the door open." Phil stressed as the rest of them approached a ladder to climb higher.

"Ladies first." Phil said, indicating for Rachel to go up first.

"What, so you can look up my dress? No thank you." Rachel joked. Allowing Phil to pass her, she climbed up with Doug, Alan then Stu following her. As they reached the top of the platform and looked out to the bright lights of Vegas, they all sighed at the marvel of it.

"Oh my God." Rachel cried.

"Oh my, are you kidding?" Stu called, finally giving up.

"How did you find this place?" Doug asked Phil.

"Don't worry about it." Phil assured, joining them at the edge before they all looked back at Alan who was fishing some things out of his satchel.

"What you got there, Alan?" Doug questioned as the tubby, bearded man strode over to them. They then saw what Alan was carrying was 5 shot glasses and a bottle of Jagermiester.

"Good call."

"A little Jagermiester."

"On the roof." Came three different voices as Alan handed out the glasses and poured a little Jager into all of them. Stu raised his glass.

"No, this is good I want to say something. To Doug and Tracy. May tonight be, but a minor speed bump, in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage." He toasted.

"Here here." They all said as they knocked back their shots, the burning in their throats only lasting only a few seconds.

"Oh, it's like college." Doug wheezed, clearing his throat. Alan went around and filled their glasses again.

"I wanna-" Phil started before Alan interrupted.

"I'd like to uh- I'd like to say something, that I've prepared." He said, reaching into his satchel once again and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper.

"Hello, how about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. Haha. I don't know if you guys know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack. But when my sister brought Doug home I knew that he was one of my own. And my wolfpack, it grew by one. So I- I was alone in the wolfpack an then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought, wait a second could it be? And now, I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. And since 27 minutes ago, a very pretty lady." He said nodding at Rachel, who blushed and giggled. "The five of us wolves, running around the desert together looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, in make a toast." Alan spoke, then he raised a penknife and cut his palm, causing the other four to jump back in surprise.

"Woah! We're not doing that." Rachel cried.

"Doug, make him stop!" Stu yelled.

"Alan, give me the knife, slowly." Doug spoke, reaching out to Alan, who did what he said, sucking his palm.

"Ok, come here, buddy." Stu said.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked, worried.

"He's fine." Doug assured her, patting her back.

"Do you need a doctor?" Phil inquired. Alan shook his head.

"No, he's fine." Doug repeated.

"Get in here, crazy." Phil chuckled. Alan rejoined the circle and used his uninjured hand to raise his shot glass again.

"Here's to a night the five of us will never forget." Phil toasted and the five of them threw back their second shot, not knowing the irony of those words yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey you guys x time for chapter 3! I'm happy about all the positive comments so keep them coming also, a little sidenote, my friend xxElenaGilbertxx has her own Hangover story called Ibiza Nights. Do read. Right, here we go.**

After hearing a faint clicking noise behind him, Stu fluttered open his eyes and fumbled around for his glasses. Slamming them onto his face, he gazed, awestruck at the horrific state the villa was now in. Stumbling around from the spot on the floor where he had passed out, he found a softer spot on the sofa and slumped down onto it, his head banging with pain. This wasn't helped when he heard someone topple over by the bar. It was Alan. He was wearing the same shirt he had on last night but was now wearing two sets of multicoloured beads and was without his pants. Stu rested his throbbing head on the back of the couch as Alan flopped around on an uneasy path, tripping over a chicken as he went.

Rachel was slowly drifting out of sleep, but trying so hard to keep her eyes closed. She didn't want to wake up. She was sleeping on top of something warm that smelled so familiar and pleasant, but she couldn't remember from where. Trying not to think about it and going back to sleep failed so she rubbed her head against her pillow, which moved up, then down.

_My pillow's breathing_ she thought, then her eyes shot open. She shuffled over so she was leaning over what she was lying on: Phil Wenneck. Panicking, her mind swam with worry.

"Phil?" she cried as Phil stirred and opened his eyes, seeing her.

"Rachel?" he groaned.

Then they were interrupted as Alan rushed out of the bathroom, screaming. He tripped over Rachel and sent her flying off of Phil, down the steps and in a blanket covered pile on the floor. He kept dancing around and wringing the end of his shirt.

"Al, calm down, goddamn, will you put on some pants?" Phil mumbled groggily, shielding his eyes from Alan with a hand.

"Phil, don't go in the bathroom." Alan warned.

"Al, it's me, look I'm fine." Phil tried to reason with him.

"Phil, there is a _tiger_ in the bathroom." Alan cried, forcing Phil to get up.

"It's ok, Alan, I'll go and check it out." Phil assured calmly as he opened the bathroom door and peered in, returning moments later laughing.

"What's going on?" Stu slurred from the couch.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" Alan screeched.

"Holy fuck, he's not kidding, there's a tiger in there!" Phil confirmed with a chuckle.

"No way, that's not possible!" Rachel shook her head and went to stand up, but when the covers fell down and revealed that she was only clad in her skimpy lacy bra and panties. Both Alan and Stu turned away but Phil stared, confused. Rachel looked down and saw what she was wearing and, horrified, grabbed the covers, pulling them around her.

"What the fuck!" she screamed, staring angrily at Phil, "I don't know what happened, but I'm _sure_ you did this on purpose!"

"Hey! This isn't my fault!" Phil defended.

"See, this is why I broke up with you, asshole! I try and be nice seeing you after all these years and you go and get me out of my pants when I'm shitfaced. Goddamn it, Phil you are officially a dick!" Rachel yelled at the top of her voice. Phil walked over to her.

"And this is why I let you go! You never listen to me. I'm telling you, I have no idea what's going on and-" he started.

"Like fuck! I just woke up on top of you in my underwear and you have no shirt on. Oh, yeah, that makes _perfect _sense!" Rachel sneered sarcastically.

"And you always fucking interrupt!" Phil retorted.

"Whatever, meathead just grow up and-"

"Oh, I should grow up? Look who's telling who to grow up. You're afraid of the commitment of a serious relationship, and I should grow up?"

"Oh, you wanna go there?"

"Yeah let's go there!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Stu interrupted, "We have bigger problems than you two and your inability to coincide without ripping each other apart! I've got a huge headache and the room's a wreck so shut the fuck up!"

Rachel and Phil both looked sheepish and backed off, cooling down.

"Fine, well, I'm going to go shower and put some clothes on then." Rachel said coldly and spitefully walking to her room with the blanket still wrapped around her steadfastly. Phil sighed, annoyed with both Rachel and himself. Stu was right, they did have bigger problems. Besides, he didn't have to shout at Rachel like that. That wouldn't solve anything. He opened a can of Monster energy drink sitting on the table and sat on the couch opposite Stu.

"You ok, buddy?" Phil asked Stu, who honestly looked like he was about to hurl.

"No, no, I'm in so much pain right now." Stu answered tiredly. Phil threw his shirt back on from where he or Rachel had no doubt discarded it on the floor.

"Goddamn. Look at this place." He sighed, half in exasperation, half in pride.

"I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed." Stu groaned.

"How does a tiger get into the bathroom? It almost killed me." Alan raved on, still standing with no pants.

"I don't know but bro, do you mind putting on some pants? I think it's a little weird that I have to ask twice." Phil said before sipping more of his Monster.

"Pants, I don't have any-" Alan muttered to himself before grabbing another one of Phil and Rachel's blankets from the floor and wrapping it around his waist.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Phil sighed, ignoring a hysterical Alan.

"Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?" Stu mumbled, opening his mouth for Phil to inspect.

"I don't know I can't- Holy shit!" Phil chuckled as he saw the gaping hole in the top row of Stu's teeth. His reaction caused him to grab a silver tray from the table and inspect his own reflection.

"Oh, my God!" he cried, "My lateral incisor is gone!"

"Ok, ok we need to just calm down. Be proud of yourself, man." Phil reassured him as Rachel popped her head around the doorway of her room with sopping hair and a towel wrapped around her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Stu's lost a tooth." Phil said struggling back laughter as Rachel face strained to contain her giggles. She then disappeared back into her room.

"What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth and I have no idea how it happened." Stu despaired.

"It's okay. Okay, just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine. Alan, go wake up Doug, let's just get some coffee in us and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows." Phil ordered, rubbing his pounding forehead.

"Well what am I supposed to do about my tooth?" Stu panicked.

"Stu, you're freaking me out, just calm down. I've got a massive headache, okay? Let's just all calm down." Phil repeated.

"How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you." Stu stressed before Alan came back alone.

"Hey, guys, he's not in there." He explained.

"Did you check all the rooms?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone." Alan told them as Rachel came out of her room wearing a red 'The Who' t-shirt, denim shorts and had her partially dry hair down.

"What's happening?" she questioned.

"Doug's not here. He's not anywhere." Alan divulged again. Rachel's face was suddenly stricken with worry.

"Look, Rachel, it's fine whatever, he probably went down to the pool to get something to eat. Let's just call his cell." Phil said calmly as he took out his phone and pressed it to his ear.

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly." Stu remarked to himself as he continued to examine his now toothless reflection.

It took a few seconds before they could all hear Doug's phone ringing on the side table beside Alan. Rachel, Stu and Phil looked at him in annoyance as he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Alan?" Phil sighed.

"Hey." Alan replied.

"It's Phil."

"Oh, hey Phi-" Alan then clicked what was going on, "This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone."

"No shit." Rachel growled.

They then all heard a crying coming from the other side of the room. It sounded like a baby. But it couldn't be… could it?

"What the fuck is that?" Stu said worriedly as they all walked over to the small cupboard from which the sound was coming. Opening it revealed a small baby boy dressed in blue and sitting in a small carry cot. The four looked at him with confused expressions and wondered how the hell he could have got here.

"Whose fucking baby is that?" Phil asked, annoyed at another thing to have to deal with.

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Stu checked.

"Yeah, I checked all of the rooms; no one's here. Check its collar or something." Alan stupidly suggested as Stu tried to calm the crying baby.

"Stu, we don't have time for this. Let's just go hook up with Doug and we'll deal with the baby later." Phil said dismissively.

"Phil, we're not leaving a baby in the room, there's a fucking _tiger_ in the bathroom!" Stu retorted angrily.

"It's not our baby." Phil tried to cover.

"Phil!" Rachel snapped.

"Yeah, I'm siding with Stu and Rachel on this one." Alan agreed. Phil sighed and gave up.

"Ok we'll take it with us, just put on some pants, Alan. What is that?" Phil pointed to the wrapped towel around Alan's waist.

"It's a sarong." Alan said a little hurt.

"It _is_ so wrong." Stu agreed, mistaking the pronunciation. (A/N: Gag reel :P) Alan frowned and went to find some pants.

Later, once they had all piled into the elevator (the baby in a carrier on Alan's chest) Stu, who was holding a homemade ice pack to his lip, wondered as hard as he could about last night, but could still remember nothing.

"Why can't we remember a goddamned thing from last night?" he said, frustrated.

"Well, I'm guessing because we obviously had a great fucking time." Phil said sarcastically, causing Rachel to roll her eyes and hit his stomach. Then, the elevator stopped and a well-to-do fifty something woman got in. she grinned at the baby.

"Oh, he's cute. What's his name?" she asked, looking expectantly at Rachel, whom she must've assumed to be the baby's mother. Phil saw an opportunity to piss Rachel off.

"Sweetheart, tell the kind lady our baby's name." He said, making Stu stifle laughter. Rachel looked at him venomously, but knew she couldn't say anything. She forced a smile and turned to the woman, thinking hard.

"Erm… Ben." She came out with.

"Carlos." Alan corrected, causing the woman to look confused.

"Oh, that's my husband's brother, Alan." Rachel explained, smirking inside. Phil looked mortified. "He means well but he's got a bit of a screw loose if you know what I mean. He wanted us to call the baby Carlos but we called him Ben, so he likes to pretend sometimes, right, babe?" at this point, Stu was on the verge of hysterical fits.

"Yeah, honey. It's like that." Phil said through gritted teeth, Rachel 'aww'ed and pretended to mock punch Phil, actually hitting him quite hard and winding him. The woman nodded and got out at the next stop. As soon as the doors closed again, Phil and Rachel exchanged annoyed slaps on their arms as Stu burst out laughing. Alan still looked dead serious holding baby Carlos.

At the pool, Rachel, Phil, Alan and Carlos sat while Stu checked the premises for any sight or word of Doug's whereabouts.

"Hey, guys, look at this." Alan said, calling Rachel and Phil's attention to Carlos, whose hand he was moving up and down like he was wanking. "He's jacking his little weenis."

Both Phil and Rachel laughed for a while before realising they shouldn't be.

"Hey, pull yourself together man." Phil managed.

"Not at the table, Carlos." Alan giggled before letting the baby's hand go. As he did, Stu came back alone.

"I've looked everywhere. I've been to the gym, casino, front desk, no one's seen Doug. He's not here." He explained, causing Rachel's face to fall.

"Look, he's fine. He's a grown man." Phil assured. "Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice." His offer was rejected when Stu puked up all over the floor, causing Rachel to scoot closer to Phil.

"I can't have juice right now." He mumbled, sticking his ice pack back to his mouth.

"Okay. Alright, let's just track this thing." Phil said, pulling out a pen and turning a napkin around so he could write things down. "So what's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Well the first thing was we were on the roof having those shots of Jager." Rachel recalled as Stu gagged at the thought of alcohol.

"And then we ate dinner at the Palm, right?" Phil continued.

"That's right." Alan agreed, "Then we played Craps at the Hard Rock and I think Doug was there."

"That sounds right. No, he definitely was." Phil said surely. Stu shook his head.

"You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner."

"I know, fuck! I don't think I've ever been this hungover." Phil sighed in frustration.

"After the Hard Rock I blacked out it was like, emptiness. Ha-ha." Alan joked. The others all stared at him in annoyance.

"Ok, we have up until around 10pm." Rachel read off of the napkin.

"Alright so that gives us 12 hour window where we could've lost him." Phil continued from her. They had always been able to do that, they just hadn't really noticed before.

"What is this?" Alan suddenly asked holding up something small and white and inspecting it.

"Oh, my God, that is my tooth! Why do you have that?" Stu cried, snatching it away from Alan.

"No, no this is a good thing, guys, check your pockets. Rea, check your purse." Phil ordered and all the others obeyed.

"I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. 11:05 for $800! I am so fucked!" Stu stressed. Rachel pulled a small piece of paper out of her purse.

"I have a receipt from a liquor store at 12:44 A.M for $460? Whoa, how much did we drink?" Rachel said as she fumbled around in her purse some more. She then pulled out a huge wad of cash. "Wow, there's gotta be, like, $5000 dollars here."

"What, did we rob a bank or something?" Phil asked.

"I don't think so; we couldn't have pulled that off without getting arrested. Plus, only $5000? I think we would've gone for more." Rachel disagreed.

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. It looks like we got in at 5:15 A.M." Alan read.

"Holy shit, we drove last night?" Phil sighed, running his hands over his face.

"Driving drunk? Classic." Alan laughed, before spotting something on Phil's wrist. "Hey, what's on your arm?"

"What the fuck?" Phil exclaimed.

"Jesus, Phil, you were in the hospital last night." Stu said, looking at the wristlet.

"Oh, my God, Phil, are you ok?" Rachel asked; worry once again hitting her pretty face.

"Yes, Rea, I'm fine." Phil assured, causing Rachel's face to relax.

"What the hell is going on?" She sighed in frustration.

"No, no Rea, this is good, we have a lead now." Phil told her, rubbing her back reassuringly.

"Hey Stu, look at this." Alan said, moving the baby's hand again. Stu giggled for moment before he too realised he shouldn't.

"Alan, not cool." He said pulling a straight face before they all got up and went to the valet guy to get the car back to go to the hospital.

While Phil talked to the valet to get the car back, Stu, Rachel, Alan and Carlos stood by the edge of the curb and waited.

"Alan, are you sure you're qualified to be looking after that baby?" Stu asked.

"What are you talking about? I've found a baby before." Alan said firmly.

"You've found a baby before?" Rachel exclaimed, "Where?"

"Coffee Bean." Alan answered surely as Phil returned to them.

"Hey, Phil, I'm not sure Doug would want us to take the Mercedes. It's just my dad is crazy about that car." Alan moaned.

"Alan, we have bigger problems, Doug could be in the hospital, and he could be hurt. Don't worry; we'll be really careful with it." Phil assured as a valet looked up at a crane that was lifting a mattress off of a statue.

"Oh, my God, is that the mattress from Doug's room?" Rachel squealed, freaking out.

"Shit, how did we manage that?" Phil whispered to the others before talking to the valet.

"Hey, man, what's going on up there?"

"Some asshole threw his bed out of the window last night." He explained.

"No shit." Phil said, dazed.

"Yeah, some guys just can't handle Vegas." The valet said leaving as another came driving up to them, but not in the Mercedes, in a police car.

"Oh shit." Rachel sighed, looking away.

"Here's your car, officers." The valet said, exiting the vehicle and handing Phil the keys.

"Just be cool and don't say anything." Phil cautioned them as they got into the car. Stu and Alan went to get into the back and Rachel into the passenger seat at the front. When Alan opened the door he forgot about baby Carlos on his stomach and opened it right onto his face, causing him to cry again.

"Oh, my God! You just nailed the baby!" Stu cried, examining the child's face.

"Are my glasses ok?" Alan asked selfishly.

"Your glasses are fine, dick." Stu replied getting into the car and they all drove off only to get stuck in a huge traffic jam only a few miles from Caesars. Rachel sighed in annoyance and tapped her foot.

"Rea, please stop that, you're making me nervous." Phil said, holding her leg so she would stop.

"I can't help it, I was born nervous." Rachel snapped, "I'm sorry I'm just freaking out."

"This is so illegal." Stu remarked.

"Can't you see the fun side of anything?" Phil urged.

"Oh, yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. Which part of this is fun?" Stu asked sarcastically.

"I think the cop car part is pretty cool." Alan put in.

"Thank you, Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it." Phil said, honking the horn, "C'mon!"

Then, Phil got an idea. He had a cop car, and all the perks that came with it. He turned on the sirens and drove up the curb and onto the sidewalk.

"Check this out." He said proudly.

"Phil, don't do this. Don't do this!" Stu begged as they started to drive through the pedestrians.

"Take it easy." Phil ordered.

"You'll just call more attention to us." Stu told him, even though everyone in the car knew he would be ignored. Rachel then grabbed the small P.A mike and spoke into it.

"Attention. Attention: please move out of the way." She called and the people did actually start to move.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked. Rachel beamed.

"Calming down." She answered smartly, "And saving these poor people from being hit because of your shit driving." She laughed.

"Hey, give that here, I want a go." Phil commanded and Rachel handed the small radio to him.

"Excuse me, ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack." She chuckled as the blonde smiled and waved. Rachel gave him and 'oh, no you didn't!' look so he put down the radio quickly.

"Get off the sidewalk!" Stu was screaming, so Phil found an opening and did so.

"I should've been a fucking cop." He cried happily, causing Rachel to laugh at him. He had missed hearing her laugh like that. Looking into each other's eyes just once, Phil then turned his attention back to the road and continued on to the hospital.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everybody and now its chapter 4 time! Hope you liked the Phil/ Rachel fights. They have a sort of love/ hate relationship atm so it should stay funny for a while x thank you for all your positive feedback my lovelies xx **

Sitting in the hospital room the nurse showed them to, was an old man in his underwear being tended to by a doctor with a receding hairline and a moustache. He indicated for them to sit down on the sterilised seats as he tapped on the old man's knee with a small hammer.

"Guys, look, you came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal. Although none of you could articulate how it happened." The doctor explained.

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Phil asked.

"I dunno, I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby, and one other guy." The doctor said, wanting to get back to his patient.

"That's our guy!" Stu exclaimed, "Was he alright?"

"Yeah, he was fine. He was just wacked out of his mind, you all were." The doctor said.

"How bad?" Rachel questioned. The doctor raised an eyebrow at her before answering.

"Well, let's put it this way: you were on top of him screaming your head off and pouring margarita into his mouth while he groped your puppies." The doctor sighed, mimicking breasts on his chest with his hands. Rachel and Phil looked at each other sheepishly as Stu and Alan smirked.

"Oh, God when we find Doug, he's gonna kill me." Phil groaned, running a frustrated hand through his hair. Rachel smiled at him, hopefully, although she knew he was right. The doctor then turned his attention to his old patient and ordered him to stand and turn. He then pulled down his pants, making Phil, Rachel and Stu to turn away although Alan and Carlos were completely transfixed on the poor man's wrinkly, misshapen buttocks.

"Ok, now cough. Cough, cough, and give me one more." Doctor Valsh talked through it as the patient obeyed; then, Valsh pulled up the patients pants and told him to sit down again.

"Ok, thattaboy. Now, Felix, the nurse will be here in a minute, I'll see you after the weekend." Valsh said loudly, articulating each syllable as if 'Felix' was hearing impaired.

"Thank you, thank you, Doctor." Felix thanked, putting on his white robe and lying down. Valsh walked over to the sterilising unit and frowned at Phil, Rachel and Stu in disgust of what he had just had to do.

"Ok, guys, I really have to go. I have surgery up on the fourth floor." He said, turning to them again.

"I know, but we just need a few more minutes of your time." Phil said persuasively, holding a $100 bill up in front of Dr. Valsh's face. Valsh eyed it, and then nodded his head approvingly.

"Yeah, slip that right in there, I don't want to resterilise. Walk with me." He indicated to his breast pocket and Phil duly slipped it in. Valsh grabbed a clipboard off of a hook on the wall and started to walk down the hall with the 5 others trailing after him.

"Alright, here we go. Patient name: Phil Wenneck. 2:45 A.M arrival. Minor concussion, like I said. Mild bruising, pretty standard." He read. Stu butt in.

"Do you mind if I take a look? I'm actually a doctor." He reminded for the umpteenth time since arriving in Vegas. Phil and Rachel rolled their eyes.

"Yeah, you said that several times last night, but really, you're just a dentist." Valsh snapped. Phil and Rachel high fived.

"Burn!" yelled Rachel happily as Stu recoiled.

"Here's something interesting." Valsh pointed out, "Your blood work came in this morning. You had a large amount of ruphylin in your system."

"What's ruphylin?" Rachel asked.

"Ruphylin, roofies? More commonly known as the date rape drug?" Valsh explained.

"So, what are you saying? I was raped last night?" Phil asked, looking anxious when Valsh started to check his papers.

"I don't think so." He said after a while, relaxing Phil, "But I don't think you needed to be with this young lady around." Rachel tensed and Phil smirked at her, earning a glare from her. "But, someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night, remember?" Alan laughed, causing the other three to look at him with matching faces of annoyance before turning back to Valsh.

"Yeah, but how could someone have drugged all of us?" Phil puzzled.

"Don't worry about it, guys. By now, that stuff's out of your systems." Valsh said, turning to go before Phil stopped him yet again.

"Wa-wait, Doc, is there anything we were talking about last night, like some place we were going or…?"

"Actually, there was something." Valsh remembered. Phil, Rachel and Stu perked up, "You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah no shit, Doug's getting married tomorrow." Rachel huffed, deflating along with the others.

"You know what, I want the hundred back." Phil snapped, reaching for the doctor's pocket, but he held a hand up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy." He cautioned, "You kept talking about a wedding that you just came from. At the- erm… Best Little Chapel. You kept talking about how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it." Phil pulled out his napkin and pen again. "Look, I really hope this helps guys, I have to go."

"The Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?" Phil asked, Valsh turned around again, now pissed off to the max.

"I do, it's at the corner of 'get a map' and 'fuck off'." He quipped. Phil looked up slowly and scowled at him. "I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. Ok, figure it out yourselves. You're big boys, and girl." And with that, he left as Phil scribbled down 'Best Little Chapel' and they headed back out to the cop car.

As they pulled up to the little, ugly, pink chapel, Rachel's mind was swimming of what could've happened there. One of them might've got married! She looked at Phil as he parked the car and had a weird thought could it have been _their_ wedding? No, she wasn't that irresponsible. As the car stopped, so did Rachel's train of thought. She jumped out of the car along with the rest of them, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as the wind ruffled it. She stared off into the distance and thought she saw some Chinese guys watching her from across the street as she heard Alan, Stu and Phil arguing about the baby behind her.

"Rea?" Phil called, distracting her so she turned around.

"You ok?" he asked. Rachel nodded timidly. "C'mon then." Phil beckoned. Rachel jogged up to him and they walked together into the chapel without the baby. Once inside, they saw a man holding a ladder with a woman on it, who was hanging wedding decorations on the ceiling.

"What if they don't remember us?" Stu asked nervously.

"Let's just find out." Phil said quietly as the guy turned around and spotted them. A grin grew on his face.

"Oh, how are you, my friends? What happened, you miss me? You miss Eddie?" he cried, running to them warmly.

"How are you, my friend?" He said, hugging Phil, "What's going on, Beautiful?" he then hugged Rachel, "Oh, this girl, this girl is without a doubt the funniest, sexiest, loveliest girl I've ever met in my life. If you ever do get this girl to marry you, you'll be the luckiest man alive, man." Eddie directed at Phil, who looked puzzled.

"If I what?" he asked, Rachel laughing at the thought of she and Phil marrying. It really was stupid.

"All of last night you keep asking and asking her to marry you, but she keep saying 'no' every time." Eddie laughed, causing Rachel to let out a chuckle, Phil to look shamefaced, and Stu and Alan to laugh hysterically. "You say you never stop loving her and how you heartbroken she left you and you never love no one else and she was the love of your life. It was heart warming, but you keep saying no." Eddie pointed at Rachel, who looked at an embarrassed Phil, dumbfounded. She expected him to rush in and defend himself, but he never did.

"What's up you, guy. You fucking crazy." Eddie then said to Alan, ruffling his beard and hugging him, to which he happily responded. Then he turned to Stu.

"Hey, I tell you something, I've known some sick people in my life: this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I've ever met in my life!"

"What, this guy?" Phil checked to be sure.

"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker?" Eddie embraced Stu, who remained stiff.

"I thought he was gonna eat my dick." Eddie laughed, meriting an 'eww' from Rachel, "What's up, you have no love for Eddie, you no hug me?" his face finally fell.

"No, it's not that, Eddie. It's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night." Stu explained.

"You're cracking my balls, man." Eddie chuckled.

"Look, Eddie, obviously we were here last night, we're looking for our friend, Doug, did you see him?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, the small guy, like a monkey?" Eddie said.

"Yeah." Phil answered.

"Your brother?" He asked Rachel, "The little guy who kept smacking you then laughing when you kissed her?"

"Oh fuck!" Rachel stressed, covering her face with her hands and turning away. They had been making out all night? Phil patted her back to comfort her and nodded to Eddie in an attempt to stay calm.

"Yeah, him. Did you see him?"

"He was here?" Stu added.

"Of course."Eddie smiled.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Stu questioned hopefully. Eddie stared at them in awe.

"You don't remember nothing?"

They all shook their heads so Eddie walked them over to the counter in the reception area and brought out a little blue scrapbook from under the desk. When they opened it, they saw pictures of Stu marrying a pretty, strawberry-blonde woman in a yellow dress.

"Oh, my God, this is so now happening," Stu moaned, then me turned the page to see a photo of him groping the bride's breast, "My life is over!" he sighed, turning to pace around the reception. Phil tried to calm him down.

"Stu, it's ok, look shit happens. Melissa's not going to know anything about this. This never happened." He assured as Stu continued to panic. Rachel continued to flick through the photos. It looked as if this woman had made her Maid of Honour. She saw pictures of her and the woman dancing around the alter together, then one with Phil and Stu joining in, then one with her and Phil sucking face while Stu and the woman cheered and Doug shouted angrily.

"Oh, shit!" Rachel muttered to herself, but Phil heard her.

"What's up, Rea?" he asked, Rachel pushed the photo towards him, and he saw it and cringed.

"Oh, God, Rea I'm sorry." He apologise sincerely, pulling her into a hug.

"It's ok, but Doug is going to kill you." She smiled, trying to stay in the positive. Phil nodded and rolled his eyes.

"Phil, Eddie said that-"

Rachel was interrupted when Eddie came out of the back room with the woman carrying a big box labelled, High Rollers.

"What's that?" Phil questioned, seeing it.

"It's the High Rollers package. It's what you guys ordered." He explained, opening the box. "I have coffee mugs," he placed a mug with a wedding picture on it onto the desk, "I have baseball caps," he then placed a baseball cap with the same picture next to the mug, "and fancy calendars all with pictures of Stu and Jade."

"Her name's Jade?" Rachel inquired, looking at the photos again. The one where Jade was on Stu's back showing off her wedding ring was probably her favourite.

"Yeah she's beautiful, man. Clean, very tight, tits like that, but that's because she had a baby." Eddie told them, mimicking breasts on his chest.

"Well that explains the baby." Phil said calmly.

"Oh, Carlos." Alan exclaimed.

"Alright, Eddie we made a huge mistake last night, we need to get this marriage annulled immediately. Do you do annulments?" Phil explained.

"Of course I do annulments. It breaks my heart, you're gonna make me very sad but it's no problem and I'll do a very good price for you." Eddie smiled, "I can't do it with just him though, I need the chick, I need both parties."

"That's great." Phil said, turning to Stu, "C'mon, bud. And she probably knows where Doug is."

"Awesome," Stu managed, his face still panic stricken. Phil turned back to Eddie.

"We're gonna need her address, she must've filled out some paperwork or something." Phil said hopefully.

"Of course." Eddie turned to the woman, who was very fascinated in her fingernails. "Excuse me, what is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man! I spend my life waiting for you. And get the baklava please." Eddie ushered the woman back into the storeroom as Phil continued to look at the photos. Rachel just stared at him. She had a million and one things to ask him about right now, but she knew she shouldn't. Did he really mean all that stuff he said when he was drunk?

As they got out of the chapel and into the car park with the box, Stu seemed to have really lost it.

"Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car?" Alan asked, worried.

"I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back." Phil assured.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it." Stu mumbled fiercely.

"Torch it? Who are you?" Rachel said, looking at Stu in confusion.

"I dunno, Rea. Apparently I'm the kinda guy who married complete strangers." Stu said bitterly, "This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs, this hat, this car! It's all evidence of a night that never happened, which is why we're torching all of it!"

"Hey, I'm a schoolteacher, I have a life, I'm all for secrecy but I'm not gonna torch a fucking cop car!" Phil shouted, trying to talk some sense into Stu.

"Fine, I'll do it." Stu said, Phil and Rachel sighed in defeat.

"Can I help?" Alan asked.

"Alan!" Rachel snapped.

"Yeah, thanks." Stu smiled almost violently. Then, Stu's phone began to ring in his pocket.

"Is it Doug?" Phil asked as Stu ransacked his pockets.

"Shit, its Doug!" Rachel cried.

"It's Doug!" Phil repeated. Stu looked at the phone screen and exhaled, frustrated.

"Ugh! It's Melissa!" he spat angrily.

"Don't answer it!" Phil dismissed as he and Rachel rolled their eyes and got into the car with Alan.

"I have to, she's called _twice_ already!" Stu sneered before pressing his phone to his ear and changing his tone for Melissa on the other end, "Hey, sweetheart, how are you... I know. The reception up here is crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal… ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time… I'm learning all sorts of vino factoids." Stu rambled as he got into the back of the car with the baby in the middle and Alan on the other side.

"It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know?" Alan whispered, leaning in to Rachel and Phil, who looked at him with looks crossing between disgust and confusion.

"Well, listen, we're about to go on a tractor ride so I should probably get going… so pretty." Stu continued in the back, trying like mad to get Melissa off of the phone. Then, an orange sports car skidded up to them and Rachel caught it in the side mirror.

"What the fuck?" she muttered, turning around. Phil caught her reaction and he turned, also spotting the car. Then, the doors of the car opened and the Chinese men Rachel had seen earlier got out, one brandishing a baseball bat.

"Holy shit! I saw them earlier; they were watching us from across the street." Rachel whispered to Phil nervously as Alan turned around also. There was then a thud as the larger of the two men hit the car with his bat.

"Let's go, out of the car!" He shouted.

"They just started up the tractor, I think it back fired." Stu spoke into the phone, maintaining his cover story as best he could.

"Where the hell is he?" The man outside yelled again through the windshield, pointing his bat at Phil.

"Easy, easy, I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?" Phil tried to calm them down, but the bat- handy man beat the windshield, causing giant cracks to appear and startling Rachel, who screamed. Phil turned his attention to her to check she wasn't hurt.

"Hey, Rea, are you alright?" Rachel nodded and clasped Phil's hand although she was breathing deeply.

"No that's not a woman screaming, we didn't bring a woman, we're on a bachelor party." Stu kept going. A second hit the windshield caused baby Carlos to start crying.

"Why would that be a baby, we're at a winery. That's a goat." Stu covered again, trying to keep his cool.

"Where is he?" the guy outside demanded again.

"Who?" Rachel cried. The guy made for her side of the car.

"Hey, you leave her alone!" Phil bellowed, the guy stopped and looked at him, "Look, we have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?" Stu asked in his calm but shaky voice to solidify his alibi. Rachel was hyperventilating in the front and still clutching Phil's hand for dear life.

"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked!" Phil shouted at Stu, tired of having to deal with it all. The heavy with the bat took out Rachel's side window, showering glass on her and causing her to scream again. Phil tried to brush most of the glass off of her while shouting at the Chinese thugs, shredding his hands up in the process.

"Hey! There's a baby on bored!" Alan screamed at the guys.

"It's a baby goat. It's a baby goat!" Stu still tried to fix his lie to Melissa.

"Get out of the car!" the batted heavy demanded Rachel.

"Fuck that, asshole!" Phil roared at him, pointing his finger at him and leaning over Rachel to protect her. At this point, Eddie had heard the noise and had come out.

"Why you making trouble for my business, man? Leave my friends alone and get away from here, now." He ordered calmly. The bat-free thug pulled out a gun and trained it on Rachel.

"Get out of the fucking car!" he repeated. Rachel's hyperventilating got faster.

"Phil he's… he's got a… a gun." Was her choppy sentence.

"No shit, Rea, I can see he's got a gun." Phil replied angrily, although he was till squeezing her hand.

"He's got a gun!" Alan shrieked, a little late to the party. Rachel snatched her hand away from Phil's and breathed deeply in an effort to calm down, a plan formulating in her mind.

"Fuck this!" Phil said, flooring it as Rachel reached out of her open window, snatching the bat from the heavy and smacking him down with it and dropping it as Phil ran over the gunman's foot. He fired, shooting Eddie by mistake.

"Fuck! Shit!" Phil exclaimed, stopping the car.

"They shot Eddie!" Stu screamed rather felinely as he hung up the phone.

"Fuck this shit!" Phil shouted, throwing the car into reverse and destroying a bus station on the way out. As they drove away, he turned to Rachel, who was still breathing deeply beside him with her eyes squeezed shut.

"Hey, Rea, did they hurt you?" Phil asked, shaking her leg to get her attention. She opened her eyes and looked at him, her breathing regulating, "Nice thinking with the bat by the way."

She smiled at him as the baby cried in the back seat.

"Who were those guys?" asked Alan, not getting an answer from anyone.

"It's gonna be okay, alright?" Stu hushed the baby before returning his attention to Rachel and Phil in the front.

"What the fuck is going on!" he screeched, Rachel covered her ears.

"I have no idea." Phil answered calmly. Stu's phone then began to ring again.

"Why don't you let that one go to voicemail?" Rachel sighed, breathless. Phil laughed and stroked her leg comfortingly.

"Ha-ha-ha." Stu fake laughed almost violently, "That's a _fake_ laugh by the way."

"It's got Ted Danson, and Magnum P.I and that Jewish actor." Alan rambled as they walked across the balcony to Jade's house.

"Shut up, Alan." Stu groaned, now slightly calmer. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"What room was it again, Phil?" she inquired.

"It's 825." Phil answered as a flustered and familiar blonde came out of the net apartment, on the phone.

"I know, I did. I already checked with her." She stressed before spotting the five approaching visitors. She gasped and grinned, "I've found him, I'll call you back." She hung up the phone, "Thank God, he was with his father. I was freaking out." She smiled cheerily taking Carlos from Alan.

"I missed you, sweetie." She cooed, kissing the baby on the cheek, "and I missed you." She sounded suddenly seductive as she kissed Stu full on the mouth. The others turned away awkwardly until they stopped.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" the bubbly blonde asked.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Phil mumbled with a half smile. Jade smiled, but still looked confused.

"What do you mean? I woke up this morning and I went to get you guys all coffee and I came back, and you were gone. Why are you being so quiet." She asked when no one replied.

"I'm not being quiet." Stu tried to perk up. Jade laughed.

"You're so cute. Alright, I have to feed Tyler, come inside you guys." She invited, taking Stu by the hand to lead him in. Alan stopped and looked at Phil.

"Did you hear that? The baby's name is Tyler." He said sadly.

"I thought he looked like more of a Carlos too, bud." Phil patted his back and Alan trotted in, but Rachel clasped Phil's hand and he turned back to her.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she asked, Phil nodded warily before staying back with her.

"I just want to thank you, for everything that you did back at the chapel." She gave a small smile which Phil returned as he shook his head.

"Rea, don't even worry about it. It's no big deal." He assured her.

"No, really. It's a huge deal. I also want to apologise for what I said to you at the hotel. I was stressing out, and I didn't mean it." She sighed looking up into his eyes.

"Yeah, well we both said things we didn't mean." Phil nodded and Rachel beamed at him. There was a few seconds of silence before he spoke again.

"By the way, speaking of things we didn't mean, back at the Chapel? I totally have no idea what Eddie was talking about with the whole 'I never stopped loving you. You're the love of my life thing'." Phil said. Rachel's smile fell from her face.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"I'm just saying, I have no idea what that came from, I was totally whacked out of my mind." Rachel looked a little hurt.

"Well, granted we were drugged but I don't think ruphylin makes you lie." She protested, at first calmly.

"W-well- what are you-what do you mean?" Phil stuttered, not knowing where this had gone south.

"This is the first time we've seen each other for God knows how long and we're treading over our past lightly and trying to get along for 48 hours before we can get out of each other's lives again, and now you've finally told me something about how you felt after 8 years and now all you can say is you're sorry you said it and you didn't mean it?" Rachel accused, losing it slightly. Phil was lost for words.

"You know, the Phil I loved, wasn't afraid to ask for what he wanted, and, newsflash: it's nice to be wanted sometimes, Phil." She continued. Phil tried to speak but again, had no words.

"Didn't you feel anything when I left?" Rachel asked, wanting nothing other than an honest answer, Phil just shook his head, unable to say anything.

"Don't you feel anything right now?" she lowered her voice. Phil's throat went dry. He knew the real answers to both those questions were a big, fat yes. But he could never tell her that. Just like he couldn't have her believe that what he said was true, even though every word of it was. He didn't want to keep lying to her so he opened his mouth to speak, but Jade's head popped out from around the door behind him.

"Hey, you guys. Come on in, I won't bite." She said cheerily before disappearing again. Rachel looked disappointedly at Phil before passing him to walking into the apartment.

_You really need to learn to quit while you're ahead_ Phil thought as he followed Rachel in and they sat on the long couch with Stu and Alan. Jade was in the kitchen with Tyler pouring Stu some iced tea.

"Ok, what's up? You guys are acting weird." She smiled suspiciously.

"Okay, listen, it's Jade, right?" Phil checked.

"Very funny, Phil." Jade said sarcastically as she gave Stu the iced tea.

"Right, Jade. You remember our friend, Doug?" Phil asked her.

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding!" Jade exclaimed happily, "I thought it was so cute that the best man and Maid of Honour were twins." Rachel's head snapped up but, too tired to even ask, she just forced a smile and nodded.

"Well, yeah we can't find him and we're getting a little worried." Phil explained for the third time in a day. Jade laughed again.

"Oh, my God. That is so Doug!" then, out of nowhere, Stu spat his mouthful of iced tea at Jade and Tyler, who started to cry yet again.

"Oh." Jade cooed as she rocked him and Stu covered his mouth. "It's ok, I'm gonna go and clean him off." She said leaving them and continuing her cooing to the baby.

"Holy shit!" Stu said, rocking nervously.

"What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together." Phil hissed at Stu as he continued rocking.

"Oh, my God!" he muttered.

"She is super hot. You should be proud of yourself." Phil said as Stu turned to him.

"She is wearing my grandmothers ring." He stressed.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. I showed them before you met up with us yesterday. Remember? My grandmothers Holocaust ring. She's wearing it!" Stu exclaimed.

"Oh, shit!" Phil sighed in an agreeing frustration.

"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust." Alan remarked stupidly as Jade came back smiling with a now quiet baby.

"He's okay." She beamed.

"Oh, good." Phil nodded.

"He was just hungry." Jade told them as she sat down on an armchair opposite them with Tyler on her lap.

"About last night, uh, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?" Phil asked, getting to his own agenda.

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding." Jade divulged, adjusting Tyler on her lap. Phil reached into his back pocket to fetch his napkin and pen to make notes.

"Ok, the wedding and about what time was that?" he inquired as Jade pulled down her top and bra, revealing her breast, and feeding Tyler.

"Uh, I guess it was around one, but then I had to go back to work and finish my shift. Then I headed back to the hotel with Tyler." She explained as Alan stared at her, unnoticed.

"And, was Doug there then?" Phil questioned.

"I didn't see Doug. You guys were passed out; accept for Rachel and Phil who were getting it on on the floor for like, the thirtieth time that night that I saw," Rachel and Phil looked sheepishly at each other, "the room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu. Rowr." She added and Stu smiled and awkwardly raised a hand.

"I have a question. You said when your shift ended; does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?" Stu listed. Jade still beamed and rolled her eyes.

"You know this: I'm a stripper." Stu winced, "We'll technically I'm an escort but stripping's a grat way to meet the clients."

"Smart." Phil smiled.

"Savvy." Rachel nodded.

"Oh, I was meaning to ask, Rae, are you a stripper too?" she asked, completely casually. Rachel coughed as she choked a little on her own saliva and Phil and Stu cleared their throats.

"No, I run a dance school on the other side of town, why?" she asked, have curious, half offended.

"Oh, that explains it," Jade smiled, "You were dancing on the tables all night and everyone loved you. You ended up making a whole ton more than me in tips, I was so jealous of your moves." Rachel cringed at the explanation.

"Well at least now I know what the $5000 was from." She sighed as Stu and Phil chuckled quietly.

"Well, anyway I guess my life of having to strip is all over now that I married a doctor." Jade beamed at Stu, who smiled humbly.

"I'm just a dentist."

Jade barely had time to look confused before the door was kicked in and two police officers, one fat woman and a thin man, stuck themselves in with their guns drawn. Jade shielded a crying Tyler as they shouted for her to shut him up and the four on the couch raised their hands in a panic.

"Guys, I think they want the car back." Alan remarked as the others wondered what the fuck else they must've done.


	5. Chapter 5

**Woo, chapter 5 time! How are you finding the Rachel/ Phil relationship so far? I thought the speech outside Jade's was cool. It's gonna get better guys so watch this space right, here we go.**

Rachel, Phil, Stu and Alan sat on a bench in the police station handcuffed to each other and looking glum. Phil was stretched out towards the wall phone and calling Tracy to give her an excuse of why they couldn't come home until the next day. Stu turned to Rachel.

"Hey, what's up with you and Phil?" he asked quietly so Phil and Alan wouldn't hear.

"I don't know what you mean." Rachel defended coldly.

"Oh, I think you do. Ever since you guys talked at Jade's you're not speaking. What happened?" Stu said with concern.

"Nothing, Stu. Everything's fine." Rachel covered again. Stu put his hands up in defeat.

"Ok, whatever you say." He sighed. Then a tour cop came around with a group of kids and stopped in front of them.

"Ok so after we take the mug shots, we take them here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me, kids you do not want to be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville." The touring police officer told the children, who all laughed and pointed at them. One of the kids, a chubby one with blond hair, held his camera phone up to Alan, who angrily glared at him before kicking the phone out of his hand.

"Hey, Tracy, it's Phil!" they heard Phil beginning his cover conversation to try and buy them some more time. Stu turned back to Rachel.

"If it's of any assistance to your situation or non-situation, whatever, when you left Phil, you were all he could talk or think about for the better part of college." Stu confessed, Rachel looked at him, eyes wide.

"What?" she said astonished.

"He was a walking broken heart. I'm just telling you because he'd never tell you. I don't even think he'd tell himself." Stu finished, turning away for good this time. Rachel looked over at Phil, who was continuing to lie to Tracy over the phone. If he had meant all of those things that he said, why lie to her? The last thing they needed right now was another lie. A mix of anger and compassion filled her heart as her thoughts were interrupted by a police officer down the hall.

"Wenneck, Price, Billings, Garner, room 3." He called. Phil got rid of Tracy and the four of them tried messily to untangle themselves before just edging their way to the room as-is with Alan walking behind them, arms twisted around himself and facing backwards. They were then all unchained and shoved rather roughly into an interrogation room with the male and female police officers that had arrested them. As Rachel was unclipped, the officer who had called them up pushed her rather harshly into Phil, who looked at him angrily.

"Take it easy." Stu protested before Phil could say something that would get them into more trouble. They then all sat down in front of the woman, Garden, as the male, Franklin, paced in front of the table with a case folder in his hand.

"Ok, I've got good news and bad news." He greeted, closing the door, "the good news is we found your Mercedes." They all breathed sighs of relief.

"That's amazing news." Rachel breathed.

"It's over in Impound right now. We found it at 5 am this morning, parked right in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard." Franklin continued. The foursome looked confused.

"That's weird." Phil remarked.

"Yeah, that is weird." Franklin said, opening the folder and changing his tone, "We also found this. It says, 'Couldn't find a metre, but here's $4. Plus a party favour on me' with a lipstick print." He found a napkin in the folder and threw it in front of Rachel, who sighed and closed her eyes, not wanting to believe this evidence.

"The bad news is: we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning." Franklin finished.

"That's impossible, Officer, we need to be in LA tomorrow for a wedding." Phil tried to negotiate.

"You stole a police car!" Garden stressed, Franklin, who was now sitting next to her, nodded.

"We didn't steal anything. We um… found it." Stu tried out, only receiving glares from both of the officers, Rachel and Phil, but Alan carried on.

"Yeah, if anything we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy." He suggested. Garden and Franklin, who weren't used to Alan's passive stupidity, looked at him, dumbfounded.

"I see assholes like you every day." Franklin scowled.

"Every fucking day!" Garden agreed, more aggressively.

"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid! C'mon lets steal a cop car it'll be really fucking funny!" Franklin imitated while Garden 'wooh-ed' along with him.

"Think your gonna get away with it, not up in here." She warned.

"Not up in here!" Franklin repeated loudly. Phil leaned forward.

"Sir, if I may, I'm assuming that squad car belongs to one of you." He asked.

"Yeah." Franklin said bitterly.

"Right, look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero, I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip, well that would look really bad on me." He continued.

"What are you getting at?" Franklin questioned.

"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?" Rachel hissed angrily.

"No one wants to look bad," Phil went on, ignoring them, "we gotta get to a wedding, and you don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists… borrowed your squad car last night. I'm just saying, I think we can make a deal, discreetly of course, ma'am."

Franklin raised one eyebrow and looked at his colleague, who shifted a sheet of paper towards him and pointed at something on it. Franklin began to laugh so the other four laughed too. Then Franklin leaned into then and lowered his voice, apparently calm again.

"Do any of you gentlemen, or you ma'am, have a heart condition or anything like that?" he asked suspiciously. The fur of them all furrowed their brows and shook their heads, just glad to be working things out. They were then escorted by Franklin and Garden to a new room, where the children from the tour were sitting facing them.

"Ok, kids, this lovely lady and these brave gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate, how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect." Franklin introduced them; the four were then confused on edge.

"Now there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal…" he started, whipping out a tazer and jabbing it into Stu's neck, who cried out and collapsed. Franklin continued as the rest of them looked at him, outraged. "Ok who wants to try on this lady here." He gestured to Rachel. She scowled and Phil held her back.

"No way, man." He protested but Rachel, who was still pissed off at him, raised a hand to silence him.

"Shut up, Wenneck. Let's just get this over with." She sighed stepping forward and next to a writhing Stu.

"Ok, now kids, it's never ok for a man to hurt a woman so I only want girl volunteers for this one." The male officer announced.

"Oh, and they say chivalry is dead (!)" Rachel sneered, her words dripping with sarcasm. A little girl with blonde hair in a ponytail shot her hand up and Franklin picked her.

"C'mon up her, little lady." He said, handing her the tazer, "Now all you have to do is press it against her and pull the trigger."

The girl did as he said, pressing the tazer to her chest.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, do me a favour, kid and just move it down a bit." Rachel warned, moving the tazer from her chest to her waist. The girl pulled the trigger and Rachel jolted and grunted, falling to her knees. But she, unlike Stu, recovered quickly and stood up, taking her place beside Phil and Alan again as the girl sat down and the others applauded.

"Alright, nicely done. Now, the other way to use a stun gun is to shoot it from a distance," Franklin explained, clipping an attachment on to the end of the tazer, "Come here, Handsome." Alan stepped forwards instinctively and Franklin sighed, "Not you, Fat Jesus, you, Pretty Boy." He pointed at Phil, who hesitantly stepped up. Franklin this time picked a girl with brown hair in two pigtails to shoot.

"Now, this is really simple. Just point, aim and shoot." He explained. The girl nodded and she aimed at Phil and a red scanning light ran down his body. He put his hands up and tried to reason with her.

"Look, you don't really want to do this. You do wanna electrocute me, do you?" he said. The girl then shook her head and sat back down, handing the stun gun back to Franklin.

"Ok, then does anyone else want to have a go?" he asked. Everyone was hesitant.

"I'll do it." Rachel suggested. Franklin ignored her and Phil turned and glared at her. Then, a boy who looked nothing short of a juvenile delinquent stepped up, taking the tazer and aiming it at Phil.

"Ok, same instructions, just point, aim and shoot." Franklin encouraged him, although he didn't need to. The boy shot Phil right in the groin. The kids and the officers wet themselves laughing. Rachel gasped and covered her mouth as Phil went down writhing in pain, not believing that was what she was thinking of doing.

"Right in the nuts, that was beautiful!" Franklin explained as Rachel bent down next to Phil.

"What the hell's wrong with you!" she cried, but she was once again unacknowledged. She moved Phil aside as Franklin clipped a fresh charge onto the tazer.

"Ok, so we have one more charge left, who wants to do some shooting?" he asked. This time, everyone's hands went up. He, by chance, picked the chubby blond kid that Alan he pissed off earlier. He got up and strode purposefully down the aisle of tables towards Alan, who glared back at him angrily. He took the stun gun from Franklin and aimed it, slowly rising it up Alan's body.

"There you go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity, eye of the tiger." Franklin commentated and the red beam came to rest between Alan's eyes, "You're going with 5000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning." With that, the boy shot Alan in the face. He screamed and jolted but didn't fall. Instead, he walked towards the boy, whose confident face faced. Garden and Franklin's sides were splitting as Alan continued to scream and the kids began to freak out.

"It's ok everyone, calm down he just needs a little extra…" he shocked Alan again, this time in the neck like he had done to Stu. Alan then passed out of the front table. "Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots. Ok who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh?" the kids all then jumped up excitedly and left the room with Franklin.

"Ok, you guys, you put up a decent fight. You can go now." Garden laughed as she followed them. Rachel shook Stu up and removed the charges from Alan's face before getting him up too. Phil, who was still clutching his groin, was supported by her as they made their way to the impound lot. Stu, who very angry kept pacing outside the claims office and rambling.

"Fuck those guys! You heard me; I'm telling everyone we stole a cop car."

"Buddy, relax, they let us go, who cares?" Phil groaned, still in pain.

"I care! You can't just do that, you can't just taze people, because you think it's funny." Stu kept going, before composing himself. "I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?" he asked. They shook their heads and he went to the vending machine around the corner alone.

"My man doesn't shut up, Jesus Christ." Phil groaned, uncrossing his legs and setting one down on the wooden decking too hard and moaning in pain again.

"Oh, God, that was harsh. Come here." Rachel said turning him towards her and inspecting his crotch and legs. Phil was going to say something but he was so relieved that she was no longer mad at him that he didn't.

"I can't believe I was thinking of doing that, Phil, I'm so sorry." She sighed, rubbing his crotch in an effort the make it feel better. When he closed his eyes and groaned, however she snatched her hand away. "Sorry, did that hurt?"

"No, actually it felt really good, I just didn't want to jizz in my pants. Plus I know I'm not supposed to feel like that anymore." Phil said honestly. Rachel laughed slightly.

"Why not?" she asked, biting her lip nervously. Phil looked back at her, slightly confused and once again, words failed him. He looked over at Alan in an effort to find something else to talk about.

"Alan, are you ok?"

"I'm just worried. What if something happen to Doug, something bad?" he despaired.

"Aww, Alan, you can't think like that." Rachel assured, rubbing his arm.

"I mean, what if he's dead? I can't lose someone I care about again, it just hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died." Alan sighed.

"Oh I'm sorry, how'd he die?" Phil inquired.

"World War II." Alan answered.

"Died in battle?" Rachel assumed.

"No he was skiing in Vermont, just during World War II." Alan replied.

"Alan, Doug is fine." Phil assured him.

"Then why hasn't he called?" Alan questioned, panicking.

"I don't know but the four of us are gonna figure it out." Phil promised as Stu came back.

"I'll tell you one thing, 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit." Stu said.

"Stu, not now." Rachel warned him, rubbing Alan's back.

"No seriously, how much do you wanna bet it's, like, fucked up beyond all recognition-" Stu started again before Phil got up and whispered in his ear.

"Ok, that's enough of that listen, Alan's seriously worried so let's not freak him out anymore, ok?"

Stu nodded and calmed down.

"I'm sorry, Alan." He apologised. "I'll tell you what, we'll check the car for clues, and everything's gonna be fine."

The guys then heard the sound of the car being driven towards them. Phil turned away and Stu covered his eyes.

"Oh, I can't look, I can't look." He groaned as it came around the corner and Rachel saw that it looked fine.

"Wow." She exclaimed and the others looked at it too, astonished.

"See? It's gonna be alright." Phil nodded, putting a hand on Rachel's back and ushering her quickly to the front passenger's side so Stu would have to sit in the back. She got in and Phil got into the driver's side, collecting the keys from the officer and driving off.

"Anything?" He asked once they were on the open road and they searched the car for any viable clues as to what they did last night.

"No." Stu sighed.

"I have a cigar." Rachel said helplessly pulling it out from the foot well.

"I found some black shoes." Alan said, holding one up.

"Are they women's shoes?" Phil questioned. Stu took it front Alan and checked it.

"No, it's a men's size six." He explained.

"That's weird." Rachel remarked. Then, Alan held up something else.

"Is this a snakeskin?" he asked. It was a used condom.

"Eww!" Stu cried as Rachel and Phil spotted it in the rear view mirror.

"It's a used condom, Alan." Phil yelled as Alan threw it onto Stu.

"Gross, it's wet." He laughed. Stu flicked it onto Phil's shoulder and laughed also as he fought to get it off while driving.

"Eww, I got jizz on me!"

"Hold still!" Rachel demanded, pinching it between two fingernails and flicking it out of the window. Phil stopped the car.

"Alright, what the fuck, man? We gotta get this shit together guys." He shouted at the other three.

"Come on, Phil it's most likely your jizz anyway, you were the one banging Rachel all night." Stu laughed.

"Hey!" Rachel protested although she too couldn't help laughing at Phil's reaction. They then heard banging emanating from the trunk.

"What's that?" Alan asked.

"What's in the trunk?" Stu questioned.

"Doug's in the trunk?" Rachel quizzed, then all four pairs of eyes widened.

"Doug's in the trunk!" they all yelled, scrambling out of the car screaming 'holy shit!' Stu and Phil pried the trunk open, but instead of greeting Doug, a little, naked Chinese man jumped onto Phil and started beating him on the back with a crowbar.

"Please stop!" Alan begged.

"Get off of him!" Rachel cried. The man did get off of Phil, and beat Stu to the ground with the bar. He then whacked Phil around the face, knocking him down and hit Rachel in the gut multiple times, causing her to crumple up on the floor, winded and rocking curling over and pressing her knees into her chest. The man then advanced onto Alan.

"I'm with you!" He screeched.

"You gonna fuck on me?" the man screamed in a high pitched voice.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you." Alan assured, "I hate Godzilla, I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities, please, this isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants." He pleaded but it was no good. The man threw the crowbar at his face and took off running for the city, still stark naked.

"I have internal bleeding. Someone call an ambulance." Stu complained, shifting through the dirt.

"Rea? Rachel?" Phil said, crawling over to Rachel who was in so much pain, she was almost in tears. He scooped her up into his arm and directed her to the car, sitting her up against it. Her head lolled about and she groaned.

"Rea, are you ok? Rea?" he kept asking, rubbing her neck to keep her head up. She soon managed a nod and a small smile, cupping his cheek before he collapsed against the car beside her.

"That was some fucked up shit man! Who was that guy? He was no mean!" he exclaimed. Rachel clasped Phil's hand as the pain she was feeling washed through her again. Phil entwined his fingers with hers before examining her.

"Guys, I have something to tell you. Last night on the roof, I slipped a little something in out Jagermiester." Alan fessed up.

"What?" Phil asked, frustrated.

"I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys."

"You drugged us?" Stu said, realisation hitting them all.

"No I didn't drug you. I was told it was ecstasy." Alan confessed.

"Who told you it was ecstasy?" Stu stressed.

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store." Alan told them.

"Why would you give us ecstasy?" Rachel despaired.

"Because I wanted everyone to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night."

"That would explain so much." She moaned before clutching her belly again. Phil wrapped an arm around her and she took a deep inhalation of his scent. Underneath the dirt and sweat, was a scent she had so missed.

"But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!" Stu yelled.

"You think I knew that, Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like he was a real straight shooter." Alan groaned as Phil helped Rachel up, still supporting her with one arm.

"I'm sorry; you mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?" Stu laced his words with sarcasm, he got up too.

"Ok, let's just calm down." Phil tried.

"You two fucking calm down! He drugged us! I lost a tooth. I married a whore." Stu rambled.

"How dare you! She's a nice lady!" Alan protested.

"You are such a fucking moron." Stu started again.

"Both of you shut it! We've all had a shit time, Stu. Granted you lost a tooth and married a total stranger but we've all been beaten, tazed, almost eaten alive by a tiger, beaten the shit out of by some chinky from the trunk and Phil and I had sex God knows how many times after not having seen each other in how ever many years and my brothers lost and he's gonna kill me for it when we find him so just SHUT UP!" Rachel exploded. Stu and Alan looked baffled and Phil looked almost proud at her taking charge.

"Alright, let's just take a deep breath, ok." Phil smiled as Rachel panted, out of breath from her rant, "This is actually a good thing at least it wasn't some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason." He explained.

"No you're right, Phil it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now." Stu said, once again sarcastically. "Here's something, I'd like to remind you three of: our best friend, your brother, Doug, is probably face-down in a ditch somewhere, with a methhead butt-fucking his corpse."

"That's highly unlikely." Alan contradicted.

"It's true." Stressed Stu, angrily. Phil tried to come between them but a hobbling Rachel attached to him made it near impossible.

"That does not help." He said to Stu softly, "Let's get our shit together, guys. Let's go back to the hotel and I'm gonna make a couple of calls. Maybe Doug's there, maybe he's asleep." He explained, helping Rachel into the back seat and leaning over her to do her seatbelt up.

"Are you ok?" he asked her softly, still leaning over her. She nodded.

"Yeah, thank you." She smiled, kissing his cheek. Phil then pulled himself out of the car as quickly as possible and hit his head on the roof. Frustrated, he closed the door and rubbed his throbbing scalp. Then, feeling his cheek and smiling, remembering Rachel's soft lips there just a moment ago, he got into the driver's seat and took them all back to the hotel.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello my lovelies now it's finally time for chapter 6 and you deserve it so here we go!**

Looking bedraggled and beat-up, the foursome trudged down the corridor back to their suite. As they stopped and Phil went to open the door, Alan stopped him.

"Wait guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out or something?"

"Oh fuck!" Rachel sighed, exasperated.

"I know, we keep forgetting about the goddamned tiger. How the fuck did it get in there?" Phil wondered aloud.

"I don't know. I also don't know where we got it or who it belongs to, because I don't remember." Stu said harshly, looking at Alan.

"Stu." Rachel warned, although Alan looked indifferent.

"Yeah, one of the side-effects of roofies is memory loss." he said gravely. Stu looked astounded.

"You are literally too stupid to insult." he groaned.

"Thank you." Alan said, confusing Stu further. Rachel and Phil, who grew tired of looking from one to the other during this conversation, cut in.

"Hey, shh!" Rachel commanded quietly as Phil unlocked the door and stepped in. They were all surprised to hear Phil Collins 'In the Air Tonight' greeting their ears as they walked in.

"Did we leave the music on?" Phil inquired.

"I don't think so. I don't think we ever turned it on this morning." Rachel said before Alan slamming the door behind her made her jump out of her skin.

"Hey! Shut it!" Phil shout-whispered at Alan before scanning the villa briefly, "Don't make any sudden movements-"

He was then cut off by a grunt and Stu's girly scream as he backed into a large, burly black guy in a fedora hat and stylish coat.

"Who the hell are you?" Rachel yelled, having had enough of these unexpected surprises for one day.

"No, who the hell are you?" The man threw back.

"Quiet, quiet!" ordered another voice from the living area. Another black guy sitting at the piano seat turned around and revealed himself to be none other than world famous, Mike Tyson,

"M-Mike Tyson?" Phil all but stuttered at seeing him. Rachel rolled her eyes at his behaviour.

"This is my favourite part coming up right here." Mike said before drumming to the beat in the air and singing.

"I can feel it coming in the air tonight! I need a chorus line, guys."

"Oh, Lord." Alan was the only one not stars truck and able to oblige him as he continued to sing.

"Well I've been waiting for this moment for all my life! One more time guys."

"Oh, Lord!" this time they all sang, right before Mike right- hooked Alan, knocking him out cold. The other three crouched next to him in concern.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Rachel cried. However, she was unacknowledged. The burley fedora hat guy turned off the music and addressed them as they stood up.

"Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom." he said imposingly. Phil got up from beside Alan and tried to calm him down.

"That was completely unnecessary- I'm a huge fan by the way- but honestly, he's a child on the inside-"

"Explain." The burly man persisted; Phil took a deep breath before explaining for the millionth time.

"Look, we were drugged last night. We have absolutely no memory of what happened."

"Whatever man, this guy's talking bullshit." Mike groaned. Rachel, now pissed off to the max, lost it, not caring if this guy was quite possibly the toughest one in the world.

"It's true! We got in all sorts of trouble last night and now we can't find my brother so do me a favour skip the bullshit!" she screamed. Phil looked at Rachel with a mixture of pride and fear and the two black men before them looked fuming. Stu, who was too tired to be terrified, just sighed.

"Look, if you wanna kill us now just go ahead because I don't even care anymore."

"Stu, what are you talking about?" Phil asked, concerned and shifting instinctively close to Rachel.

"What? I don't care." Stu assured with an indifferent face. Mike and his associate looked between them, not wanting to hear more of their issues.

"Look, listen up you crazy-ass fools, why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?" the associate queried threateningly. Phil tried to lighten the mood and laughed as he answered.

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." No one found him amusing.

"Phil, shut the fuck up." Rachel said gently, smiling and patting his back to let him know she appreciated him trying, before realising something herself.

"Wait a minute. How did you guys find us?" she asked the associate, who pulled a black jacket out from under his own.

"One of you guys dropped your jacket; we found it in the tiger's cage this morning."

he tossed it to Rachel.

"Oh my God, you guys this is Doug's." she exclaimed.

"Yeah, erm... Doug. His wallet and his room key are in there." the associate explained.

"That's our missing friend." Phil told them.

"I don't give a fuck." growled the associate.

"What was that, asshole?" Rachel snarled angrily. Phil held her back as the associate made ready to start on her.

"Whoa, whoa, Rae calm it down." he warned, Rachel did calm down but still glowered at the associate. Phil loosened his grip on her but his hand still hovered at her waist, but she didn't seem to mind.

"There's something wrong with this bitch." the associate said to Mike.

"Excuse me, what did you call her?" Phil asked, now just as pissed off as Rachel. He and the associate started arguing loudly and angrily before Stu shouted over them.

"Hey, shut it!" he then became sheepish again as the angry associate then looked at him, "Erm, did you guys see Doug?"

"I was fast asleep." Mike put in.

"Yeah because if he was up, this shit wouldn't have gone down so smoothly." the associate added.

"The tiger probably ate his ass like Omar." Mike laughed as the associate took off his hat.

"Respect." he murmured.

"W-wait what happened to Omar?" Phil asked, having restored his cool.

"Ah, don't worry about Omar; he's not with us no more." Mike said surprisingly calm. Phil rubbed his face, stressed and took a deep breath.

"Ok, I know that this is a lot to ask but do you think that there's any way we can go to your house and just look around and see if there's any clues there for our friend?" he inquired as politely as he could.

"Absolutely. How do you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?" the associate said before turning and leaving.

"Wait, what?" Rachel asked after him impatiently.

"We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back. In, what do you think, about forty minutes?" he asked Mike.

"Don't make me come back for him." Mike warned before leaving behind his associate. The three of them were left standing speechless for a moment until Stu leaned into the other two.

"That was Mike Tyson." he reiterated, stars truck again.

"Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson." Phil sighed.

"I'm just saying, he's still got it." Stu smiled. then they heard Alan stir on the floor behind them and they all rushed over.

"Oh my God, Alan are you ok?" Rachel asked. Alan only murmured incoherently.

"Holy shit." Phil groaned, clicking in Alan's face to test his reactions.

"Jesus Christ I can't believe he's still living after that punch." Rachel said, concerned as she and Stu turned Alan over and helped him sit up.

"You ok, buddy?" Stu inquired, shaking Alan's shoulder slightly.

"Y-yeah. Mm ok." Alan managed quietly. Rachel and Stu grabbed and arm each while Phil supported his back and together, the three of them hauled Alan up.

"Hey, take it easy." Rachel ordered as Alan tried to walk and stumbled. She and Phil guided him to the sofa and sat him down, letting him lie on the cushions. They looked at each other nervously.

"What-what happened?" Alan asked slowly.

"Would you like the long version or the short version?" Phil said with his hands on his hips and his lips pursed anxiously.

"Short please." Alan moaned politely like a child. Rachel and Phil looked at each other again, not knowing how to shrink the events down. Stu saw their expression and sighed loudly in annoyance.

"Basically, we're fucked!" he stressed. Rachel and Phil didn't know how to sugar coat it.

"Well... yeah." Rachel sighed.

Alan looked horrified at what he'd heard. He sat up and muttered groggily.

"I'm really sorry guys."

"No worries, Alan. Right now we need to focus on finding a way to get the goddamned tiger back to Tyson." Phil put in. A few moments of silence passed as they thought, then Rachel's face lit up.

"Rea? I know that face, that's your idea face. What have you got?" Stu asked excitedly. Rachel turned to Alan.

"Alan, do you have any roofies left?" she said calmly. Alan nodded but the other two looked confused.

"Really Rea? Do you really think more drugs is the solution to this problem?" Phil sighed angrily, "What, do you just think another hit will make us undo everything we did-"

"Shut it, you lunatic!" Rachel cut him off, "They're not for me, they're for the tiger."

Realisation dawned of Phil and Stu's faces and they smiled at their friend's genius.

"If we can just knock him out for long enough we can get him there without him killing us." she explained further.

"But how do we get a tiger to take roofies?" Alan queried, poking a hole in Rachel's plan. Stu stepped up.

"Don't worry guys, I got that covered. I'm gonna call room service, Alan get the pills. Rachel and Phil... entertain yourselves for five minutes and leave this to me." Stu said surprisingly confident and excited considering his previous mood as he skipped out of the room and into his bedroom and Alan went into another room to search for his stash.

Rachel and Phil, now alone, stared at each other for a minute, and then looked away feeling awkward. Phil then turned back to Rachel.

"That was a good idea, Rea." was all he could think to say, she nodded with a smile but didn't say anything. She turned around and sat on the sofa and Phil followed suit, moving some empty cans from the seat and sitting next to her. A few more moments of silence passed before either one of them spoke.

"So, you're a dancer now?" Phil asked politely, remembering what he had heard at Jade's earlier.

"Yeah, well technically I run a drama school for kids that covers performing, dancing and singing but 'dancer' is close enough." She smiled at him. "Why do you ask?"

"No, I was just happy for you, I mean you were always dancing around and singing with those ridiculous old, 80's headphones and now you're doing it professionally." Phil explained, both laughing at the memories, "I couldn't be happier for you."

"Well, what about you? What do you do now; you said back at the police station that you were a schoolteacher?" Rachel queried.

"Yeah, I got my degree in English and I teach in a private junior high school." Phil explained.

"Wow! You got your degree? That's great." Rachel beamed again.

"Always the tone of surprise." Phil teased. They both laughed again.

"Yeah, we both actually got where we wanted to go." Rachel remarked, and then the laughter died down. They were both reminded of the painful memories that put them where they were now. Another pause followed before Rachel took it upon herself to try and lighten the mood.

"So you teach in private school, you hang with your buddies and come home to what? A girlfriend, fiancée... gay lover?" she joked. Phil laughed again wryly.

"Oh, aren't you funny?" he said sarcastically, tickling her sides. She squealed and struggled until she was so close to him their heads were only inches apart. She looked away but didn't move.

"You didn't answer my question." she muttered, her smiled faltering.

"No, I don't come home to anything or anyone." he answered honestly, "And you?"

Rachel turned her head to face his again but didn't dare look him in the eye.

"There've been, mmm... a couple of guys lately. Really bad guys. I haven't really comfortable with anyone since..." she trailed off as she accidentally looked into his eyes, losing herself in their azure-blue hue.

"Since..." one again words failed her. Almost losing herself completely, she leaned closer to Phil, her gaze moving from his eyes to his lips. She was so close that Phil became intoxicated by her scent, which drew him nearer to her. He leaned in closer, too lost in her to be shocked at the fact that she was doing the same. Their lips only a centimetre from each other, they paused and hovered there for a moment. They were just about to kiss when Stu came bursting back into the room, making them jump apart again.

"Ok, I've got this covered. I just ordered a raw steak from room service and it's on its way." he explained. Rachel busied herself fixing her hair.

"Um, yeah that's a really good idea, Stu." she assured nervously as Alan walked in with the rest of the pills.

"I got 'em guys. They weren't easy to find, though. Someone shoved them in an empty condom box in the room down the hall." he said, holding the pills up. Phil and Rachel merely looked at each other awkwardly and shot up and away from each other. Alan placed the pills on the table and the others all stood around it.

"Ok guys, so who's gonna give the tiger the steak?" he pondered, looking around at the other three.

"Fuck, we didn't think of that!" Phil exclaimed, thinking hard.

"Um, rock, paper, scissors. That's the easiest way." Alan suggested. The others were too tired to argue and think of something more grown up so they just nodded.

"And before we do, I think we should let Rachel out of this." Phil said.

"What, why?" Stu asked.

"Because this was her idea and she's a lady, Stu. Be a gentleman. Now get over here, Alan, you too. C'mon." Phil ordered as they all gathered in a circle and put their fists in the middle.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" they all cried. Stu and Alan used Rock, Phil used Paper.

"Ok, that's me out. Now it's out of you two." he stated, stepping back next to Rachel.

"Ok, c'mon Alan. Rock, Paper, scissors. Shit!" Stu cried as Alan used Paper and he used Rock.

"Well, Stu I guess that means it's you." Rachel sighed.

"That's not fair!" Stu complained as Phil sat down at the table and Alan started jabbing pills into the steak.

"It's was rock, paper, scissors. There's nothing more fair." Phil stated calmly.

"Alan should do it." Stu persisted."

"Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Yeah, c'mon man, for Doug." Phil agreed.

"Fine." Stu huffed sulkily. "Why are you peppering the steak, you don't know if tigers like pepper."

"Tigers love pepper- they hate cinnamon." Alan assured as he put down the pepper.

"Phil just do it. You should do it." Stu pleaded, Rachel rolled her eyes.

"I would but you lost, man. It wouldn't be right." Phil shrugged.

"Alright, fine." Stu grumbled.

"Right, I jammed 5 roofies in there. That should knock him out for at least an hour, just go in there and throw it to him." Alan explained. Stu grumpily took the steak and walked into the bathroom.

"Make sure that he eats the whole thing!" Phil called after him.

There was a short pause after Stu walked into the bathroom, partially closing the door so the tiger could get out but so he still could. Stu then screamed and ran out of the bathroom after hearing the tiger roar. Slamming the door hard he turned but to the others.

"What do we do now?" he asked.

"We wait." Alan confirmed. The four of them went back to the sofas and sat down. Stu then got up and walked to the grand piano, starting to play and sing. As he played, Phil looked at him with a weirded out expression, which was doubled by Rachel as she looked up from the magazine she had been flicking through that she had found on the floor.

What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze?

Do they dream of mauling zebras?

Or Halle Berry in her Cat woman suit.

Well don't you worry your pretty striped head,

We're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed.

And then we're gonna find our best friend, Doug,

And then we're gonna give him a best friend hug.

Doug, Doug, oh Dougie Dougie Dougie Doug Doug!

But if he's been murdered by crystal-meth tweakers...

Well then we're shit outta luck.

As he finished, Rachel turned to Phil, the same expression still plastered on both of their faces.

"He still does that when he's stressed?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah. It's actually got worse." Phil replied.

"I liked it." Alan cut in. Phil and Rachel then looked at him in sync with matching looks of disbelief. They then heard the tiger groan followed by a thud.

"I think that's the tiger out. Come on, let's get him." Rachel said, getting up and following the guys to the bathroom, before realising something.

"Wait, we need to get him downstairs... wait I saw a luggage cart in my room when I went to shower this morning. I'll go and get it." she disappeared into the other room and the guys went into the bathroom. They each picked a side of the tiger and hauled him up, carrying him back into the main room. Rachel now stood there with the luggage cart and a sheet. As they plonked the unconscious animal onto it, she held out the sheet.

"Here, put this over him. That way no one will see him." she explained. Stu covered the tiger.

"You are literally the best." Phil smiled at her. She smiled back cheekily.

"I know."

They then wheeled the cart out of the door, Alan nearly knocking it into the doorframe. As they let and Phil and Rachel followed, Stu once again returned to his stressful self.

"By the way, we're all gonna die." he murmured. Phil and Rachel just rolled their eyes, not bothered to argue. Rachel closed the door behind them and Alan nearly drove the cart into a wall, but luckily, they managed to successfully get the tiger into the elevator, out of the hotel and into the back of the Mercedes without detection.

On the way to Tyson's house (which they had cleverly put into the sat nav while drunk) the four of them were all squished into the front seat. Phil was driving, Stu was in the middle and Rachel was mushed between Phil and Stu, and as a result had to change the gears as she was blocking Phil from doing so. About a mile from their destination, Alan broke their nervous silence.

"Hey guys, when's the next Haley's Comet?" he asked out of the blue.

"Who cares, Alan?" Phil sighed, barely able to keep his eyes open and on the road.

"Rachel, do you know?" Alan queried.

"Nope." Rachel said, annoyed.

"Stu?"

"I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years." Stu estimated.

"But it's not tonight?" Alan checked.

"I don't think so." Stu stated uncertainly.

"But you don't know for sure?" Alan inquired. Stu shook his head, "I had this cousin Marcus who saw one. He said it absolutely blew his mind and I'm gonna make sure I don't miss out on another Haley's comet so if you guys know when there's gonna be one-"

Alan was cut off by a grunt and a growl from the backseat. The four of them looked back and saw the tiger get up again. He roared and thrashed his head around. The four of them screamed and he raised a paw to them, scratching Phil's neck. They all stopped in the middle of the road and piled hastily out of the car, locking the tiger in.

"Rea! Stu! Stu, it got me!" Phil cried, clutching his neck.

"Oh my God, you got clawed!" Stu screamed.

"You're bleeding!" Rea added. They could do nothing then but stand back and watch the tiger eat up the entire interior of the Mercedes with horror. He put a striped foot through the window. After that he seemed to calm down, but they didn't want to risk getting back into the car with it.

"What do we do now?" Rachel asked.

"We'll have to push it. Come on!" Phil commanded, "Alan, put your arm through the front window and steer."

"Erm, ok." Alan said hesitantly, reluctantly sticking a shaky, chubby arm through the front window cautiously.

"What about me?" Rachel inquired.

"Get yourself back here and help us push the car." Phil ordered rudely.

"Oh, out of all the glamorous jobs." she remarked sarcastically, getting behind the car with them and pushing as hard as she could, which was quite hard considering her small stature.

About halfway to Tyson's house from the spot where they had abandoned car, Alan quaked and removed his hand hastily from the car window.

"I can't do it!" he whined.

"Get your fucking hand back in there and steer the car!" Phil yelled, showing no sympathy.

"I'm too nervous." Alan persisted.

"Alan, we need you buddy, this is your time to shine, ok?" said Stu, trying his hardest to calm Alan down. Alan went to steer again, but couldn't.

"What if he takes my hand off?" Alan complained. Rachel sighed.

"That's nothing compared to what I'll do to you if you don't get your fucking hand back on the wheel!" she growled and Alan quickly shoved his hand back through the window. Stu and Phil gave her looks of gratitude as they neared the gate of Mike Tyson's mansion. Pushing the car into the drive and knocking on the door, the associate answered.

"You're late." he said grumpily.

"Whatever, man. We had to push it the last mile." Phil groaned.

"Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you." the associate said, clearing a path for them. They all followed him to the sitting room when Mike was on a stylish sofa with an ugly dog on his lap in front of a huge TV screen. The four of them sat of the sofas, Stu and Alan on a separate one and Phil and Rachel sat next to Mike of his.

"When we got back we took a look at the security cameras, and this is what we found." Mike explained, holding a remote out to the screen and pressing play. To their great relief, they saw the five of them, Doug included, staggering across Mike's yard laughing with bottles of alcohol.

"That's Doug!" Rachel cried.

"Oh thank God, he's alive." Stu gasped.

"That's our missing friend." Phil pointed out.

"Yeah, we're all best friends." Alan said like a child.

"Why don't you just pay attention, I don't have all night." Mike said grumpily.

"Sure." Phil said certainly as they continued to watch. Now, Alan was standing on the rocks by the pool and pissing into the water.

"You're gonna overflow the pool, man." TV Stu slurred. Mike looked at Alan angrily.

"I think- should I wait outside?" he asked sensibly.

"I think that's a good idea, Alan." Mike said calmly as Alan scooted past Stu and out of the room.

"Don't touch anything out there, either." his associate warned.

"He's not our good friend, we don't know him that well-" Stu tried to explain, but was cut off by Mike's mean glare. He awkwardly stared back at the screen. They then saw themselves heading toward the gates, Phil with the tiger on a leash. Rachel rubbed her head, embarrassed.

"By the way, where did you get that cop car from?" Mike asked, seeing it on the screen.

"We stole it from these dumb-ass cops." Stu chuckled wryly.

"Nice!" Mike laughed, his reaction shocking them. But as long as they were on his good side they wanted to stay there, so they laughed along with him, high-fiving him one at a time. Then they saw TV Phil piling the tiger into the back seat of the cop car. The real Phil tried to cover his actions.

"I just wanna say I've never seen a more beautiful, elegant just regal creature." he made up on the spot, before looking at himself once again on the TV with horror.

"Check it out, Stu; I'm gonna fuck this tiger!" TV Phil laughed, pretending to shag it. He looked at Mike, who stared back at him in disgust. Hoping for better, Phil looked back at the TV: luck was not on his side. TV Rachel stepped up to his side, smiling drunkenly.

"Don't fuck the tiger, fuck me, baby!" she cried, shutting the car door and caging the tiger with a swing of her hips and wrapping her arms around Phil's neck, forcing a kiss on him. TV Phil wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back hungrily. Then, (not very distinctively because of the poor grain of the camera) they could just make out Phil unzipping his pants and leaning into Rachel, who hiked her dress up and raised her leg, hooking it around Phil. Mostly obscured from view, luckily, he fucked her against the cop car. The real Rachel was so embarrassed she stood up.

"I'm sorry, I'm-that's gross I'm gonna be si- I'm waiting outside with Alan!" she stuttered, shooting up and out of the room as Phil groaned and sighed in regret and disbelief.

Rachel waited quietly outside with Alan for some minutes before Phil and Stu exited. Phil and Rachel's eyes met once, but were immediately and awkwardly diverted. They were escorted silently from the building, the door being closed behind them after barely giving them a chance to get out. They silently piled into the trashed Mercedes, this time Rachel got into the back, and they drove that way for a long time.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! First of all I want to apologise. This chapter is long overdue and I am sooo sorry I've actually missed writing it. Anyway I'm back now for the summer, I've been totally swamped lately. But here we go, just for you

They had been driving in silence for a while. Stu was in the driver's seat, hands pinned to the wheel and staring intensely at the road ahead of them. Phil sat dumbly in the passenger seat looking out of the window, wondering how he could've possibly done all that while pissed while Alan sat between them, oblivious to the tension in the air. Rachel sat in the wrecked back seat of the vehicle, clutching to the torn strap of the one surviving seatbelt as it had lost its clip when the tiger had shredded it. She closed her eyes and tried to catch up on sleep when Stu broke the silence.

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's actually kind of a sweetheart." He mused; Phil raised his eyebrows at how gay he sounded. Rachel rolled her eyes and tried to get into a comfier position. Alan frowned.

"I think he's mean." He disagreed. Phil sighed.

"All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy." He said.

"Hallelujah! Finally, Phil says something that makes sense." Stu praised. Rachel exhaled loudly in frustration of not being able to sleep and folded her arms, glaring at the back of Phil's head.

"It was bound to happen sometime." She snapped spitefully. Phil squinted at her comment, but chose not to retaliate.

"I mean, we don't have much of a choice," he continued, "And, who knows, maybe she's heard from Doug."

"That's what I've been saying this whole time." Stu agreed. Rachel frowned.

"Erm, no Stu. This whole time you've been saying, and I quote 'we are so fucked!'." She mimicked causing Alan to laugh.

"Haha I remember that!" he chuckled. Stu grimaced and pulled the car over, turning back to Rachel.

"You know, Rea, you can be mad at us all you want but what's done is done, and none of us can change it. So put on your big girl pants and get a grip." He told her with a smug but stern tone of voice. Rachel's eyes widened in shock that Stu suddenly had the nerve to talk to him like this.

"What did you just say to me?" she asked him, her tone of voice threatening. Stu attempted to back track, but Phil cut in.

"Guys! C'mon calm it down, let's just call Tracy. We just need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything." He said calmly. Stu turned back to face the front of the car and Rachel shrunk away sulkily.

"We don't have to tell her everything," Stu amended, "We can leave out all the stuff about me marrying a hooker. Just stay focussed on Doug."

"Oh, yes. So you go home and marry that sour-puss hypocrite you call a girlfriend while we tell my future sister in law that she'll be a widow before she's a wife." Rachel put in angrily, lacing her words with sarcasm. Before anyone else could comment, however, Alan piped up.

"You guys, what am I gonna tell my dad about this car?" he inquired worriedly. Phil patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry about it, Alan it's just the inside. I got a guy in LA who's great with interiors." No sooner had he finished his sentence, an SUV rammed into his side of the car, causing them to scream as they skidded sideways until they crashed into a neon sign. A neon lighted naked lady fell in through the roof, almost taking Rachel's head off. They coughed and stretched as the SUV backed away. Phil looked round at Rachel, a newly formed crick in his neck hurting as he did so.

"Hey, Rea, are you okay?" he asked. A little shell-shocked, Rachel nodded.

"Y-yeah I'm okay." She replied, forgetting to be bitter or angry. Phil nodded and patted her knee comfortingly.

"Ow." Stu complained, running a hand over his neck.

"What the fuck?" Phil moaned as he rubbed his head. They then looked out of the window to see the two heavies from the chapel, and another familiar face looking at them from next to the SUV.

"I know that guy." Alan said, "That's the guy from the trunk." Rachel looked between Stu and Alan's shoulders to see better.

"Oh yeah, I didn't recognise him with clothes on." She joked. The guy beckoned to them.

"Get out of the car. Please." He demanded softly. Phil went to get out, but Stu stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"W-wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie." He warned, causing Phil to hang back in the car. The Chinese guy clapped his hands and the two heavies walked over to the Mercedes. One of them hauled Phil out of the window despite his initial protests. He then hauled out Stu, who was more resistant.

"Hey, relax! Ow, ow!" he complained. The other burly guy pulled Rachel out of the back seat. Her shirt came up slightly and some of the glass from the broken window scratched her belly.

"Ah! Shit, man!" she winced as the guy let her down roughly. Phil approached her and examined the slightly bleeding scratches.

"Aw, man, Rea. Here." She spoke softly, tearing the bottom of his shirt and pressing the fabric to the wound, careful not to push too hard. His head then shot up as Rachel's hand came to rest gently on her own and he looked her in surprise. She smiled at him through tired eyes, silently apologising to him for her behaviour at Mike's. They then both turned as both the men hauled Alan from the car. They walked over to him as they put him down, Rachel keeping a hand on her wound as Phil walked over to them.

"Alright, take it easy, man!" he protested as Alan shrunk away from the two burly guys.

"I want my purse back, assholes!" the Chinese guy from the trunk exclaimed.

"It's not a purse it's a _satchel_!" Alan stressed.

"It's a _purse_, okay?" the guy snapped, "And you steal from wrong guy."

"Wait, wait, we stole from you too?" Rachel asked, exasperated.

"Jesus Christ how much could we possibly have done in 8 hours?" Phil whined.

"Look, we don't remember anything that happened last night, so help as out a little." Stu demanded, tired with having to deal with everything. One of the burly bodyguards stepped forward.

"Well apparently, you guys met at a craps table late last night." He explained. He then pointed at Alan, "You were on a real heater and he played your hot streak. Ended up winning just over $80,000."

"Whoa, $80,000. Nice!" Phil nodded.

"Ok, so that's good." Stu said.

"He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it." The bodyguard finished. They frowned at one another.

"That doesn't sound like us." Stu doubted.

"Yeah that sounds way too easy. I'm sure we could've done that sober." Rachel joked, causing Phil and Alan to chuckle, stopping when the Chinese guy glared at them.

"Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing!" he cried, throwing Alan's satchel on the floor angrily and stomping on it. Alan reared up.

"Hey, there are Skittles in there!" he shouted. One of the heavies punched him in the gut and he retreated. Rachel helped Alan stay standing.

"Hey, what the fuck, man!" She yelled.

"Don't let the beard fool you, he's a child." Stu told them off as the Chinese man laughed.

"It's funny because he's fat." He chuckled. Stu raised his hands in an attempt to calm things down.

"Look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding. Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal."

"Ok so if it's 'no big deal' why when I come after you guys, he start screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk?" the Chinese guy questioned harshly, pointing at Phil.

"What I did that?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, you said that he was your lucky charm and you wanted to take him home with you." The heavy explained. Phil Stu and Rachel began to laugh.

"Ok, that sounds more like us." Rachel giggled.

"Haha 'lucky charm'." Stu mimicked.

"It's just funny." Phil tried to clarify when he saw the Chinese guy's scowl.

"Ha ha ha fuck you!" he snarled. "If you want to see your friend again, you get me my $80,000."

"Wha- our friend?" Phil said, confused.

"You have Doug!" Rachel shouted. One of the heavies bounded the bonnet of the SUV and someone in the back seat with a bag over his head struggled with muffled cries.

"Doug!" they all cried, rushing to the window beside the figure, pawing at it and shouting at Doug as the bodyguards held them back and fended them off.

"Ok, just chill out, goatee!" Stu barked at the goateed bodyguard.

"Ok, alright, fine. What do you want from us?" Phil asked.

"Oh, so not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag." The Chinese man leered.

"Look, we're very sorry, but this is an easy fix. Alan, where's his purse?" Phil inquired. Alan sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know." He panted, worn out from being beaten up all night. Rachel looked at the Chinese guy.

"Ok, when Phil was shoving you in the truck- which by the way I'm sure he didn't do with you naked, why did you have no clothes on? You know what, never mind that, the point is while you were in the trunk did you hear us talk about where we were going after we left the Bellagio?" she questioned. The Chinese guy nodded smoothly.

"You say you take party back to 13 Sunshine Road." He answered. Rachel winced and sighed in annoyance.

"13 Sunshine Road? Where is that?" Stu asked.

"That's my address. Shit that means my house is probably a shit-wreck!" Rachel groaned.

"Boring. Take nap. Come on." The Chinese man said with a fake yawn, ordering the heavies to follow him to his car.

"Wait!" Rachel cried as they climbed into the SUV.

"Sorry if we're boring you. You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!" Stu screamed as they all walked towards the slow moving car. Stu stood in front of it.

"Stop, stop. Run me over!" he requested. The car lurched forward, but Rachel and Phil pulled him out of the way.

"Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn." The Chinese guy ordered them melodramatically through the window in the backseat next to Doug. "Toddle-oo motherfucker!" he added as the window slid up and obscured him from their view. The SUV the drove off and left them with the battered Mercedes. After a few moments of standing, dumfounded, they carefully climbed back into it, this time with Rachel in the driver's seat, and drove to her house.

When they got there, the place was a wreck. It looked just as bad as the villa back at Caesars Palace. Rachel looked around, mortified.

"Rachel, we are so, so sorry." Stu said, touching her shoulder. She shook her head to tell him not to apologise.

"It's ok. All we need to do right now is find the purse and get Doug back. Alan, check the bathroom and the hall, Stu check in the living room and the kitchen. Phil, you're with me we're gonna check the guest room, study and my bedroom. Get to it guys!" she ordered. Alan and Stu ran to their posts and Phil followed Rachel up the stairs.

When they reached the bedroom, which was in no better state than the lounge, Rachel began ransacking draws and cupboards. She then crinkled her nose and looked at Phil.

"Phil, you stink. My bathroom's through that door, take a shower and get some of my ex-boyfriend's clothes out of the cupboard by the sink." She ordered. Phil silently obeyed as she continued to throw things around. She was checking under the bed when he came out in slacks and a t-shirt.

"Much better," she said grabbing some of her own clothes from a mountain of overflow from her chest of draws. "Now, I'm gonna shower. I've checked the left side of the room and under the bed. Go over the right side ok?"

"You got it." He nodded, lifting up some more clothes and moving beer bottles around as Rachel went into the bathroom. When she came out again in a Sex Pistols t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts, Phil threw a robe from the bed and sighed angrily before collapsing on it.

"That fucking purse isn't here!" he stressed. Rachel exhaled loudly.

"God, if we don't find that fucking purse, Doug is as good as dead." She said. Her voice trembled. Phil sat up and looked at her sadly. He stood up.

"Hey, come here," he mumbled softly, pulling her into a hug, "Don't beat yourself up, it's not all your fault."

"I know it's not." She grumbled, pulling back, "But we're all equal hands in this and now my brother is being held captive by some Chinese mob boss that we owe $80,000 to!" she despaired.

"Ssh. It's gonna be fine, Rea. We're gonna figure this out." Phil soothed her, rubbing her arm comfortingly. Rachel smiled up at him.

"Thanks Phil. You always did make me feel better." She smiled, picking up a large bundle of clothes off of the floor and throwing them in the clothes hamper. Phil thought for a minute.

"Then why did- no." he decided not to continue to risk starting a fight. Rachel turned to face him.

"What?" she asked.

"No, I shouldn't."

"No, what were you gonna say?" she persisted. Phil looked down at her for a minute, and decided to be honest with her.

"Why did you leave? You never actually gave me a straight answer." He said in a voice no louder than a murmur. Rachel looked at him, slightly taken aback.

"Phil, I can't talk about this right now. I can't hear this now." She said, tensing up as she threw more clothes back in the draws and closed them.

"Why not? You can't talk about it now, you couldn't talk about it 8 years ago. Where did I ever go wrong?" Phil asked in demanding tone.

"You didn't." Rachel assured him softly, turning back to him, "I did, it was all me."

"Oh, so now you're gonna give me the 'it's not you, it's me' thing? If that's all it was, why did you never speak to me again, huh?" Phil questioned, raising his voice.

"I didn't know how to after that! We were 19 at the time and… and…" her voice tapered off as tear prickled in her eyes. Phil saw that he had upset her and softened his expression.

"Hey, look I'm sorry but can you just tell me now? We're 26 now, more mature. Just tell me so I can know whether or not the last 8 years I spent missing you were a waste." He pleaded. She looked him in the eyes and took a deep breath.

"It honestly wasn't you. I was- I just couldn't handle it." She began.

"Handle what? Being in love, being committed, being in a relationship?" Phil listed, his voice rising again as his temper flared.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Rachel cried, the tears threatening to fall from her chocolate eyes, "Look, at first it was summer, we were young and in love and having a good time. Then September came and you got super serious and I couldn't deal!"

"Super serious? Wha-?" Phil stammered, speechless.

"Phil, you turned down the college of your _dreams_ just to go to the same one as me. You asked me to move in with you after 3 months!" Rachel shouted.

"You could've said no!" Phil returned.

"No I couldn't! At least, that's what I thought. I thought that if you were ready, I had to be ready too. But then as we went on I saw all the sacrifices you were making just to be with me and I was so in love with you and I didn't want to be the thing that stood in the way of you living a full and happy life." She explained, he voice breaking at the end of her statement. Phil was shocked. It took him a few moments to fully absorb what she had said.

"What?" was all he could manage.

"I didn't want to have to wake up with you every day and know that you were miserable because you passed up all those opportunities for me." She sighed.

"I was miserable without you." Phil moved over to him and put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye. He saw the tears glistening in her own eyes.

"Phil-" she started.

"No, you need to hear this." He cut her off. "If that's true, and you broke it off because you thought you were holding me back from living a happy life, you were so wrong. Being with you is the only way I could ever live a happy life. I'd give up any opportunity and never regret it as long as I had you to show for it. You could never ask too much of me." She gazed into his azure blue eyes and the corner of her mouth twitched upwards.

"Right now I only wanna ask you one thing." She said.

"Anything."

"Kiss me." She whispered. Phil didn't need asking twice. He brought his hands up from her shoulder so they were cradling her neck and kissed her softly. As his tongue entered her mouth her hands glided up his chest and gripped his shoulders to support her weak knees. He moved his right hand back and it became lost in her long sweet-smelling brown hair. When they put back, the tears in Rachel's eyes cascaded down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Phil. I love you. I love you, Phil." She stuttered hysterically as she wept, throwing her arms around him. He embraced her and rubbed her back.

"Shh. Shh, its ok, Rea. I love you too."

"I'll never leave you again, ever. I promise. Promise you'll never leave me." Rachel spluttered through her tears.

"I promise, from now on it'll just be you and me." He pulled back so Rachel was facing him and wiped the tears from her cheeks, "We'll always be together. I love you."

"I love you too." she replied and they kissed again, this time more urgently. She smiled against his lips and he lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist. She reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor, flicking her hair and smiling seductively down at him. He looked at her, suddenly serious.

"Rea, are you sure?" he asked, stroking her jaw affectionately. She nodded and caressed his neck and bit her lip.

"Of course I'm sure. Just make me forget the situation we're in. Make all my problems disappear." She murmured, leaning down to kiss him again. "Plus it's not the first time in the last 24 hours." She giggled against his lips. That was conformation enough for Phil. He kissed her again. Her lips had the texture of flower petals, but she was so ferociously enthusiastic that it almost hurt to kiss them. Turning them around, he carried her to the bed and laid her down on the sheets gently. He crawled up to her and kissed her neck, hearing her moan as she hooked her toes into the waistband of his slacks and straightened her legs out, pulling them down. He kicked them off and realised she was now too clothed. Lifting her up, he pulled off her shirt and cast it across the room, then travelled down and unzipped her shorts before pulling them down and off. He moved back up and kissed her briefly then hovered over her, looking at her in awe, taking in every change since he had last seen her like this.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world." He told her, his voice as sincere as he could make it. They shed their last items of clothing and made real love for the first time in 8 years, without the influence of drugs or alcohol.

They'd been at it for a good half hour when Stu burst through the door.

"Hey guys have you found- OH MY GOD!" he cried as he saw them, diverting his gaze. The gasped and Rachel shot up, causing Phil to tumble off of the bed. He wrapped the sheet around his waist and Rachel grabbed her robe and put it on, tying the belt and running up to Stu.

"Don't you knock!" she screamed at him.

"Excuse me! Are you guys high again? We're supposed to be finding this purse so where the fuck do you find time to fuck?" he shouted.

"Ok, ok. You're right, I'm sorry." Rachel agreed, calming down. Stu calmed too.

"I'm sorry. Did you guys find it?" he asked.

"No. It's not here. Did you?" Phil queried."

"No. We are so fucked you guys." Stu despaired. Alan came to the door. He looked like he was about to say something, but then he saw Rachel and Phil and his face spread into a cheeky childish grin.

"Did you guys…?" he didn't finish as Rachel and Phil glared at him. "Erm, I found something."

"Is it the purse?" Stu asked excitedly.

"Nope, but check this out." Alan beamed, holding up The World's Greatest Black Jack Book.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello and welcome to chapter 8. Again im sorry for the long wait since the last chapter, I just have so much to do college wise right now. Anyway I have it for you now, so enjoy!**

Alan, Phil and Rachel descended an elevator in a well-lit and lively casino with people walking this way and that. They were all stone faced and did not let the business of the place phase them. They headed straight for a blackjack table and stood their getting dealed in. Phil and Alan were dressed in sharp suits Rachel had used as costumes in a dance show about a month ago, and she was wearing a thigh-length red dress with ruffles on the chest and no back with her hair pinned up neatly. They played for a while, with Alan playing the role of a rich, mute genius while Rachel and Phil played his groupies. They then turned and saw Stu and Jade approaching and Phil and Rachel shared a nervous but brave look. Rachel smiled confidently as Phil wrapped his arm around her waist and winked subtly at Alan to reassure him.

"Hey, are these seats taken?" Stu asked the croupier.

"No, feel free." He replied and Stu and Jade sat down on the opposite side of the table as Alan.

"Ok, let's play some blackjack!" Stu said in a sing-song voice. Phil and Rachel smirked a bit at how lame he sounded. The croupier dealt them in and they began to play. Stu won the first round, causing him and Jade to scream, elated. Alan carried on staring intently at the cards, not saying a word. He won next.

"That's it! Shut up bitches!" he cried out, pounding the air with his fist making Rachel giggle at his excitement. When he calmed they watched the next hand. Alan applied some lip balm and Jade pouted as she looked at him pensively.

"Hmm, I'll stick." She decided. It won her the round.

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" Phil made a scene at the loss to look convincing.

As the game went on, people came and went from the table, but Alan, Jade and Stu remained in their seats, intently focussed. Chips were piling up in front of both of them. Phil and Rachel were playing convincing roles as groupies, watching and reacting to Alan's every move. The next win for Stu caused Jade to kiss him on the lips, only this time he didn't fight it. Rachel and Phil looked at them and then each other with disgust plastered on their faces. Even Alan looked up for a moment and looked distracted. In the next hand, Alan stuck his hand to the shock of everyone on the table.

"I don't even know you, but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb." Stu told him in a less subtle way that he was nervous that he would lose all of the money they had spent the last hour and a half winning back. As a result, he stuck too, and won the pot. He shouted proudly.

"C'mon, he can't lose! He can't lose!" Phil cried, pretending to be angry with Stu for questioning him but actually he was subtly telling him not to worry so much. Jade then whispered something to Stu, causing him to look concerned. He looked up at Rachel, who looked at Phil. He placed a hand on Alan's shoulder and Alan tilted his head to signal he had received the signal. Alan played on, with Phil and Rachel continuing to react to his winnings. On Alan's next win, Phil screamed, rubbed Alan's head vigorously causing his hair to stick up at all ends, then kissed Rachel passionately, lifting her off the ground and spinning her excitedly. He slapped her ass as he put her down and she laughed. Jade and Stu laughed too, then Jade through herself off of her chair, making the approaching pit boss change his course from Alan to her. As he was tending to her, Alan cashed out and Rachel and Phil helped him collect up his winnings. Outside the casino on the steps, they met up with Jade and Stu, who now had their winnings in cash as well.

"Oh, my God we were so close to getting busted there! Thanks Jade." Rachel smiled as Jade placed their winnings in the bag Alan was carrying to join his.

"Oh, it's no problem. I had a lot of fun." She said, "But you guys better get going if you're gonna get to the Mojave by dawn."

They all nodded and Phil left to get the car with Alan. Rachel and Stu hugged Jade and Stu gave her cab fare, even going to the road to holler one for her. Rachel watched them by the cab as she waited on the steps for Phil to bring the car around. She saw them kiss again before Jade shut the door and the cab drove away. She then heard Phil honk the horn of the battered Mercedes and she strolled down to it. She got in the front with Phil and Stu got in the back with Alan.

At twilight, they were fast approaching the Mojave and making good time. Stu was in the back next to Alan counting the money over the bag as the road was jolty and there were no seatbelts and he didn't want to drop it all and have to start again. They all listened intently as he counted aloud.

"And 100, 200, 300, 400. Oh, with all this that's $82,400!" he bellowed ecstatically, nudging Alan happily.

"Alright! I don't fucking believe it! Alan, YOU DA MAN!" Phil shouted, punching the air with a fist.

"You are too, Phil." Alan smiled coyly.

"Alan, you are incredible." Rachel smirked flirtatiously, leaning back in her seat and blowing Alan a kiss, which he pretended to catch and put in his pocket like a child. Rachel laughed and rolled her eyes as she sat back in her seat.

"Hey, guys we should come back next week and take the whole city down." Phil suggested.

"Oh, I'm free next week." Alan said sweetly.

"Why wait till next week, come back with me after the wedding, you can stay at my place for a few days." Rachel smiled. Stu cut in.

"Or we could just focus on getting Doug back right now." He said.

"Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me; the Jonas Brothers are in town." Alan put in, ignoring Stu, "But any week after that is totally fine."

"I think it's safe to say our luck has officially turned around, guys." Rachel stated.

"Yeah! We are back, baby!" Phil agreed, bringing Rachel's hand to his lips, kissing it then squeezing it, "We are fucking back!"

"We are back!" Stu caught on, nudging Alan again, who nudged back with a grin, "We are back! We are back! We are getting Doug back!"

"And we're the three best friends that anyone could have. We're the three best friends that anyone could have. We're the three best friends that anyone could have and we'll never ever, ever, ever, ever leave each other. We're the best three friends that anyone could have…" sung Alan, breaking the excited mood slightly. But the others decided to let him have this one seeing as he had just saved their asses, and Doug's.

After driving for a while, they spotted the SUV parked in the middle of the desert. Phil turned the Mercedes and stopped to face it, just a few feet away. Nothing happened for a while. No one stirred in the SUV or the Mercedes.

"Now what?" Phil asked no one in particular.

"Give him the signal." Alan said.

"What signal?" Rachel inquired.

"Flash your lights. Let him know it's on." Alan urged.

"What's on?" queried Phil.

"The deal." Alan persisted.

"Well of course it's on we just drove 30 miles into the desert, he knows it's on." Phil said waving out to motion the SUV.

"Phil, just do something!" Stu shouted slightly, nervous again.

"Fine." Phil sighed, reaching down and flashing the lights as requested. The Chinese mobsters began to exit their vehicle. Phil and Rachel got out of their doors, and then waited for Stu and Alan to climb over the seats to get out of the front too. Alan fell out and landed face down on the desert floor. The Chinese boss laughed at him.

"Haha, funny fat guy fall on face." He chortled, pointing at an embarrassed Alan who got up and stood with Stu, Phil and Rachel.

"You ok?" Stu asked him. Alan nodded.

"We got the money: $80,000 cash." Phil stated.

"Throw it over, then I give you Doug." The Chinese boss ordered.

"Erm, I'm sorry first of all, good morning." Stu began, "We didn't catch your name last night."

"Mr Chow. Leslie Chow." The boss replied.

"Mr Chow, it is a pleasure, my name is Stu and we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug. You know, just to verify that he's ok. Is that cool?"

"Of course, Stu. That is cool." Mr Chow said, taking off his glasses and clapping his hands. The Chinese heavies from the chapel heaved the figure with a bag on his head out of the boot of the car. Rachel, Alan, Phil and Stu all breathed sighs of relief. "See he fine. Now, gimme money, or I shoot him and I shoot all you motherfuckers and then we take it. Your choice, bitches."

"Give him the money, Stu." Rachel insisted. Stu obediently threw the bag to a heavy, and Mr Chow flinched as he thought it was coming at him. The heavy checked the contents of the bag, causing a moment's awkward pause.

"It's all there." He verified.

"Let him go." Mr Chow ordered. The other heavy pushed the guy with a bag on his head forward and pulled off the bag. "Ta-da."

"What is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?!" Phil yelled as he saw that the guy was not Doug, but a black guy with tape covering his mouth.

"That is not my brother, quite clearly!" Rachel shouted.

"What you talkin' about, Willis? That him." Chow insisted.

"No, I'm sorry Mr Chow, that's not our friend." Stu said politely.

"The Doug we're looking for is a white." Alan called bluntly. The heavy holding the black guy pulled the tape from his mouth.

"I told you ya had the wrong guy, little boy." He said to Chow, "Daymn, Alan what the fuck you got me into?" he asked, approaching Alan.

"Wait, Alan you know this guy?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, Rea, this is the guy who sold me the bad drugs. How you doin'?" Alan greeted him.

"I didn't sell you no motherfucking bad drugs! But hey, sweetness, if you want to I can sell you a hell of a good time, you know what I'm sayin'?" the black guy hollered at Rachel. She rolled her eyes in disgust and moved closer to Phil.

"Wait, he sold you the ruphylin?" Stu inquired.

"Ruphylin? I sold what? I don't know no ruphylin." The black guy claimed.

"Who gives a shit?! Where is Doug?" Phil demanded.

"I am Doug!" the black guy said.

"Your name's Doug?" Alan asked.

"Yes I'm Doug!" Black Doug persisted.

"His name's Doug too. Classic mix up." Alan laughed, although no one else seemed to see the funny side of the situation.

"C'mon." Chow ordered his men as they all retreated to the SUV.

"No, hey Chow! You gave us the wrong Doug!" Rachel spat angrily.

"Not my problem." Chow retorted rudely.

"No, fuck that shit! You give us our $80,000 back and take him with you." Phil commanded Chow.

"Aw, c'mon man, I'll be your Doug." Black Doug said, sounding slightly desperate not to go back with Chow.

"Oh, yeah ok I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts!" Chow screeched, touching his groin.

"Aw, man that's nasty!" black Doug exclaimed. Chow made a wanking gesture.

"How's that sound? So long, gay boys!" he got in the SUV and his heavies drove him away. Rachel held her head in her hands, totally stressed out. Stu paced nervously and Phil went all out.

"Goddamn it!" he shouted.

"Gosh darn it!" Alan mimicked.

"Shit!"

"Shoot!"

They all piled in and drove a little further down the road in complete, angry silence. They then pulled over when Black Doug informed them he needed to pee. While he did his business, Phil and Rachel stepped away from the group. Rachel held out her phone to Phil.

"It's time." She said softly with a sad smile. A tear lingered in the corner of her eye. Phil slowly took the phone from her outstretched hand and pulled her into a reassuring hug. When he pulled away, he found Tracy's number in the contacts list and held the phone to his ear.

"Tracy it's Phil." He said as she answered. "Yeah listen, err… we fucked up. The bachelor party, the whole night, we ju- things got out of control and er… we lost Doug. We can't find Doug." There was then a long pause. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Listen Trace I'm so sorry I'm-" Phil was then cut off as Stu appeared and wrestled him to the ground.

"Stu, what the fuck!" Rachel cried as she stood back. Stu shushed her, then grasped for the phone and pressed it to his ear.

"Tracy it's Stu. Er, nothing, don't listen to Phil he's probably still drunk from last night. He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch and we're in a real hurry to get back so we gotta go, ok bye." Stu speedily hung up as Phil shoved him.

"What the fuck, man?" he protested.

"I know where Doug is." Stu screamed excitedly. Phil and Rachel looked at him disbelievingly. Rachel then helped them both up and they got back into the car. This time Stu drove, with Rachel on Phil's lap in the passenger seat. Alan sat in the back with Black Doug.

"I dunno, man, it just hit me." Stu explained as he drove, "You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"

"Yeah, because we threw it out the window." Rachel said, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

"No, impossible, you can't open windows in Vegas hotels." Stu pointed out.

"Well then how did-?" Phil trailed off as he and Rachel thought.

"Oh, my God!" they said in unison, coming to the same revelatory conclusion.

"Wait, what's going on?" Alan asked from the back.

"Doug was trying to signal someone." Stu clarified.

"Holy shit, you genius, Stu!" Rachel beamed, "How the hell did you think of that?"

"Doug made me realise it." Stu answered.

"Wait, Doug?" Phil questioned.

"Oh, no not our Doug, Black Doug." Stu cleared up.

"C'mon now, easy with that shit." Black Doug complained.

"Okay, can someone tell me where White Doug is?" Alan inquired.

"He's been on the roof the whole time Alan." Rachel said.

"Yes," Stu agreed, "He's on the roof. We must've taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof."

"It's like that time in summer camp. Remember we moved his sleeping bag out onto the jetty in the lake." Phil laughed.

"Yeah, when he woke up he freaked out and rolled into the water." Rachel joined in.

"Yeah, and that was hilarious. Not so funny now though coz we forgot where we put him." Stu added.

"You guys are fucking retarded." Black Doug said.

"Keep it down, Fresh Prince!" Rachel joked, too happy now to care what anyone else said. "Hey do you think he's still up there, Stu?"

"Only one way to find out." He told her.

Stu put his foot down on the pedal and they increased to full speed. They were at the hotel within the hour. As soon as they got out of the car they rushed to the elevator and sprinted down the corridor to the door they had gone out of before this whole mess started.

"Doug!" they all cried out. Alan stayed for a moment to prop the door open so they didn't all get stuck. They all looked around and turned sharply when they heard Stu's shrill voice.

"Hey, guys! He's over here!" they all ran to him, breathing huge sighs of relief.

"He's ok! You're ok!" Stu screamed hysterically and he hauled a bedraggled Doug, who was severely sunburned and dehydrated, to his feet.

"What the fuck is going on?" Doug struggled with a cracked voice.

"Look, we're gonna explain everything but right now we gotta go." Stu ushered him with Alan on his other side. Rachel and Phil approached him.

"Hey, bro, you ok?" Rachel asked gently.

"No. No ok." Doug stated.

"You look good, you got some colour. I'm jealous." Phil said to him.

"I'm getting married today." Doug stated again.

"Yes, yes you are. Now Doug that's why it's very important that you do everything that we say because you're actually wasting a bit of our time now." Phil said, "But, before we get ya outta here there's something I, or rather we, have to tell you." He motioned to Rachel, who walked towards him and snuggled up to him.

"Erm, Doug. Phil and I decided to give us another shot." Rachel said carefully, biting her lip. Doug stared dumbly at them, but didn't say anything.

"Yeah, but that was after Phil humped her like, 100 times when they were drunk, haha." Alan laughed. Doug looked at him, then at Phil.

"You fucking asshole!" he screamed, running at Phil and tackling him to the ground. He never beat him, however, as he just rolled on the floor mumbling 'My skin burns! My skin burns!'. Alan tried to comfort him, but Doug slapped his hand away.

"No, don't touch me! Shut up! Just take me home. Just take me home." He begged. They all nodded and picked him up as carefully as possible.

They found Doug a hat and a wheelchair and bought him some water as Stu checked them out. Rachel leaned down next to her brother as he sipped his water through a straw and wiped him down with a wet towel (like everybody else had done as they were all sweaty and smelly).

"Hey, you're not mad at me are you?" she questioned quietly.

"Yes." Doug answered bluntly, "Since you all left me on the roof for two days." Rachel laughed slightly.

"No, not about that. About Phil." She clarified. Doug looked up at her and gazed into his sister's eyes.

"Why would I be mad at you about that?" he asked her.

"Well you did tackle him to the ground on the roof after Alan told you we had sex." She chuckled. He chuckled too.

"Yeah well that was just an excuse to hit him. I'd been up there for two days, dammit. But as far as you and he goes, I couldn't be happier for you." He assured her as he clasped her hand and gave her a small smile. Stu then returned, on the phone. Phil began to wheel Doug out of the room and out into the parking lot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the final chapter of my Hangover Fanfic for you **** I hope you have enjoyed it and keep reading for my follow up fanfics, including my one for the Hangover 2. **

Stu held his phone to his ear and yelled into it as Phil pushed Doug out in his wheelchair and Rachel and Alan went to stand at the curb to wait for the car to come around.

"What about in the one after that? You cannot be serious! Oh, goddamn it." He hung up the phone, "Every flight to LA is booked."

"What about in the Burbank?" Phil asked.

"Totally sold out." Stu exclaimed.

"Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours." Phil stressed. "Alan, Rea, where's the car?"

"It's on the way, Phil. Wassup?" Rachel asked.

"We're gonna have to drive back and there's no way we can do that with the amount of time we have!" he barked.

"You know what? We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?" Stu said, suddenly positive and determined. He then looked behind them and they followed his gaze to see Jade sitting a few feet away on a brick wall. She waved at him.

"Just gimme one second." Stu said as he approached her.

"We will leave without you." Phil warned. Stu jogged off towards Jade anyway.

"Is he missing a tooth?" Doug asked.

"Yeah." Alan chuckled. Rachel cuddled up to Phil.

"Doug isn't really mad at you, you know." She whispered to him.

"About what?" Phil said, not fully listening.

"He isn't mad about us getting back together." She clarified. Phil then looked right at her, giving her his full attention. She looked down, "I mean, why would he be? You never hurt me, right? I hurt you. But I promise you, I will never hurt you again." She then looked into his eyes and slipped her hand into his as the car came around. Phil smiled at her and kissed her softly before taking the keys from the valet and climbing into the car, treading down the roof at Alan's request to ensure it didn't come off. He and Alan then climbed into the front seat with Doug and Rachel in the back, and he patted the windshield to get Stu's attention.

"Stu." He called.

"Stu." Alan copied.

"C'mon."

"C'mon."

Phil looked at Alan incredulously and Stu gave Jade an awkward hug before running the car and hopping in next to Doug.

They sped down the road with the pedal down and travelling at full speed. No one said anything at the risk of rubbing Doug the wrong way, which wasn't a very good idea since they had already left him on the roof of Caesar's Palace for two days and were now making him late for his own wedding. However, Doug broke the silence.

"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster." He croaked.

"What makes you say that?" Alan asked.

"When I woke up on the roof, I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pockets. Looks like we're going home with some money, guys!" he laughed as the others all cheered in excitement. A short while after that, they heard a honking as a white 'The Tux Shop' van manoeuvred to drive alongside them. The sliding door slid open and a guy stuck his head out.

"Hey, Neeco!" Alan greeted the guy.

"Hey. What's up, Alan?" he replied with a grin. He began throwing packages to them, which Stu and Rachel caught and shoved into the foot well where Doug made sure they didn't fly out.

"Thanks man!" Stu bellowed over the wind, handing Neeco some money.

"No problem, man! Adios!" Neeco shouted as he disappeared back into the van and shut the door.

"Page me!" Alan called after him. A few miles after that, they stopped and changed on the hard shoulder, with Rachel receiving many honks from horny male drivers as she changed into her bridesmaids dress.

"Hey, Alan how did you get the exact right suits and dress? It's the same as the one I left at home that Tracy sent me." Rachel inquired.

"Neeco knows the guy who designed these and got the spares from the designer." He explained.

"Wow, Alan, you actually did something right." Stu congratulated him as they all jumped back into the car and began moving again. They put the last touches on in the car lie shaving and pulling on socks and shoes, with Rachel even managing to do her make up during the red lights. It was twenty minutes before the wedding when they pulled up outside the reception hall. They ran up the stairs and burst through the door to see some snooty, angry bridesmaids, bored flower girls and a relieved Tracy staring back at them.

"Sorry, we're late; MapQuest took us on a really crazy route." Stu mumbled as he fumbled with his tie.

"Thank God you all made it." Linda smiled, leaving Tracy's side to hug Doug, before she realised how red he was.

"Uh, fell asleep by the pool." He quickly came up with. He hugged is future mother-in-law as she shrugged.

The wedding guests were all sitting in their seats as the band began to play. The flower girls headed down the aisle, followed by Phil and Rachel who was arm in arm as maid of honour and best man. The bridesmaids and groomsmen followed and they stood on either side of the alter as Doug waited in the middle for Tracy, who floated down the aisle on her father's arm. She kissed him on the cheek as she went to stand next to Doug. He whispered to her, then she slipped her hand into his and they began the ceremony.

After the ceremony, the overly sexualised singer was making vulgar gestures to the guests, but Doug and Tracy didn't seem to mind as they were mainly absorbed in each other. The only other couple more in sync as them was Rachel and Phil, who were dancing together with huge grins on their faces. They were interrupted as a hand came to rest gently on Rachel's shoulder. She turned to see hers and Doug's parents smiling at her.

"Hi Mom!" she said, hugging her, and then hugging her dad.

"Mr & Mrs Billings how are you?" Phil inquired with his charming smile. Mrs Billings beamed.

"Oh, for goodness sake Phil how many times in the last 15 years have I asked you to call me Julie?" she chuckled. She then looked at the two of them expectantly. "So, are the two of you…?"

"Um, yes." Rachel confirmed, snuggling up to Phil. "Yeah, well, I decided that I was wrong to leave him and he was amazing enough to take me back."

"_You're _amazing." Phil corrected, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and she leaned her head back to kiss him.

"Well, I couldn't be happier for you." Julie beamed. Mr Billings smiled too.

"You were always one of the good lads, Phillip." He chortled, "Always cheerful and positive."

"Well that's because I've always been in love with the most incredible woman in the world." Phil cooed, planting a kiss on Rachel's shoulder. The Billings' grinned.

"Look at the two of you, like no time has passed at all. We're going to talk to Sid and Linda. We'll see you later." Julie said, waving as she and her husband left. Rachel turned in Phil's arms and cuddled into him, looking into his incredible blue eyes.

"She's right. It's like nothing has changed. I still love you more than anything in the world and now we're together again." She beamed radiantly. He rested his forehead on hers.

"We'll always he together." He promised. They then continued dancing, and were soon joined by Doug and Tracy. They all danced together for a while; when they were interrupted by a shrill scream.

"That is not how this works!" came Melissa's nasally, annoying voice from the refreshment table.

"Oh, good! Coz whatever this is, ain't working for me!" Stu yelled back at her.

"Oh really? Since when?!" Melissa screeched.

"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! Boom!" Stu banged the table with his fist and looked pleased with himself. Phil looked at him and smiled in pride.

"You told me it was a bartender." Alan piped up, much to the annoyance of the infuriated and embarrassed Melissa.

"Oh, I stand corrected, you're right. It was a bartender. You fucked the bartender." Stu corrected himself.

"You're an idiot." Melissa snapped.

"You-you're- you're just a bad person." Stu retorted, unable to bring himself to call her something worse. "Like, all the way through to your core."

There was a silence as he drowned another shot. He then glared at her and looked out at the party guests staring at them from the dance floor.

"Alan, shall we dance?" he asked, patting Alan on the shoulder. He didn't move. "Let's do this!" he then cried, running out into Doug's arms as the music started playing again. Phil and Doug hugged Stu as he whooped proudly. He then lifted Rachel up and spun her around and did the same with Tracy. They danced together as they cheered until the song stopped. When it did, Phil climbed up on the stage and asked the singer if he could borrow his microphone. He agreed, and followed Phil back off of the stage.

"Okay, everyone I hope you are all having a great time at Doug and Tracy's wedding!" he shouted cheerily causing the guests to whoop and clap. He continued once they were done, "Now, since our good buddy Stu, just broke up with Bitchtits over there, yeah that's right, Melissa, I'm talking about you." Melissa looked furious and mortified and stalked off. The guests cheered again.

"Like I was saying," Phil continued, "since they are no longer a couple, there will be no more marriage proposal on Stu's behalf. And so, I feel I'm free to do this." He handed the mic back to the singer and got down on one knee in front of Rachel, who looked shocked, but elated. Everyone else gasped and stepped back.

"Rachel Jennifer Billings, I have been in love with you since I was 15. I let you get away once, and I don't intend to let it happen again. So, will you marry me?"

There was a pause and Rachel just stared at Phil. Her face then broke out into a wide smiled and she nodded emphatically.

"Yes!" she cried. Phil heaved a sigh of relief and kissed her, spinning her around. All the guests' aw'ed then cheered. When Phil put Rachel down, he saw her eyes were filled with happy tears. He had just one last thing left to say. He turned and hushed the crowd then looked back her.

"Well, right now I don't have a fancy ring, so for now this will have to do." He unclipped his watch and fastened it on her wrist. She chuckled at the nostalgic reference, as did Tracy, Doug and Stu. "I love you, Rea."

"I love you, too." she practically wept and she kissed him again. The guests cheered louder than ever and the band started up again.

Later that evening, the wolf pack (minus Alan) was sitting outside, away from the party in armchairs, with Rachel sitting on Phil's lap. They were sipping on beers and chilling, which felt amazing after the weekend they had just had.

"Dougie… I gotta tell you, man this was a gorgeous wedding." Stu said.

"I give it six months." Phil joked. Rachel rolled her eyes and slapped his arm.

"You're a dick." She smiled. He cuddled her closer.

"I don't know what to say, you guys. Thank you for the bachelor party, I guess." Doug chuckled.

"It was supposed to be memorable. Now I wish we could just remember_ some _of it." Rachel laughed and the others did too. Alan then approached holding a camera with a flower in his hair.

"Hey, guys? Look what I found." He said.

"Whoa, that's my camera." Stu stated.

"Yeah, it was lodged in the back seat of the car." Alan explained, turning it on.

"Oh, God- are there photos on it?" Rachel asked, getting up off of Phil's lap.

"Yeah. Some of it's even worse than we thought." Alan grinned cheekily.

"No fucking way, gimme that." Phil commanded, getting up and standing next to Rachel.

"Wait." Doug interrupted, taking the camera and standing in the middle of them as Stu got up too. "We look at these pictures together, one time. Then we delete the evidence."

"I say we delete it right now." Stu suggested.

"Are you kidding? I wanna know how I wound up in the hospital. Is that in there?" Phil asked Alan.

"Yeah that's in there." Alan confirmed.

"How about this so called _amazing_ dancing I did that earned me $5000 dollars? I wanna see that. Is that in there too?" Rachel added.

"Oh, yeah." Alan nodded. The all congregated around Doug and positioned themselves to see the screen of the camera.

"Guys, one time. Deal?" Doug said.

"Deal." The all agreed. Doug then held the camera up and turned it on. They all recoiled from the image.

"Oh, dear Lord!" Stu exclaimed.

"That's classic!" Alan laughed.

**Well that's it! I'm not sure whether to do Rachel and Phil's wedding next or the Hangover 2. Review and tell me what you think **


	10. Chapter 10

**This last little snit bit is just for you Phil/ Rachel lovers. I thought it up after I posted the last chapter and watched the end of the movie. Enjoy **

It had been 3 weeks since Doug and Tracy got married. Rachel had moved into Phil's house from Vegas and they had begun unpacking, although things were still in boxes and cluttering up the room. Rachel had opened up a new drama school branch in L.A. with her friend Tiffy taking over the one in Vegas. Things had been going according to plan and what was better, was that fact that this time she felt ready. This was what she wanted. She was sorting out things in the kitchen when Phil walked in after coming home from work.

"Hey, Babe." He greeted her, kissing her soundly. She responded to the kiss then pulled away.

"Hey yourself. So how was your day?" she asked, refilling the sugar bowl.

"Annoying little kids tried to sell me thirty excuses about why they couldn't do their homework. Not didn't, _couldn't_. Can you believe that?" he complained, pulling her into a much-needed hug.

"Seeing as it's practically how I made it through high school- and so did you by the way- yeah I can." She answered cheekily. She pulled away from him and walked into the other room. He slapped her ass and she squealed. They both sat on the sofa after making their way through the slalom of boxes and cuddled up together.

"And how was your day?" Phil asked her.

"Great actually. Stu came over to tell you Melissa is officially out of there and then he saw this," she held up her left hand and they looked at the expensive, impressive, sparkling diamond ring Phil had recently bought her to replace the watch, "and said it was the most beautiful ring he had ever seen and that you must really love me to get one this expensive."

"I do love you." Phil agreed, kissing her forehead. "And it was very expensive." He added cheekily. She kissed him passionately and, mid-kiss she opened her eyes and looked at the clock over his shoulder. She then broke the kiss and hopped off of Phil's lap.

"Ohhh," Phil whined.

"I'll be back I a second, babe." Rachel assured him as she danced out of the room, down the corridor and into the bathroom. She put down the toilet lid and sat on it, taking the Clear Blue stick from the side of the sink and reading it. It read: Positive. 3 weeks.

Rachel stared at the test for a while. Part of her was so happy, but part of her was so scared. She loved Phil, and she knew that Phil loved her, but he was always calling the kids he taught 'brats' and 'annoying' and she was worried how he would react to having his own child. She waited for a moment, just holding the test in her hand. She then took a deep breath, put it back on the sink and walked out of the room, going straight back into the living room and sitting next to Phil, cuddling up to him again.

"Phil," she started, "You remember in Vegas when we went back to mine to look for Chow's purse?"

"And we did it in the mess in your room? Yeah I remember." Phil said nonchalantly.

"Okay, usually I'd be slightly offended that that's all you remember but that's slightly relevant to what I'm about to say so, yeah." Rachel rambled slightly, sitting up to face Phil. He looked at her, studying her face.

"Rea, are you okay?" he inquired in a concerned tone. "You're acting weird."

"Um, that night we… we didn't use protection and I've been feeling nauseous these past few days so I took a test and…it's positive." Rachel explained. Phil blinked.

"Run that by me again." He managed.

"The test came back positive, Phil! I'm pregnant." Rachel stressed. She then bit her lip and waiting in the awkward silence that followed to see how he would react. His face then broke out into a grin and he lifted Rachel off of the sofa bridal style. He spun her round and kissed her on the lips. She giggled when they parted and he put her down and hugged her tightly.

"I must say this is a surprise. A good one though." Rachel laughed as she caressed Phil's cheek.

"A surprise? Why?" Phil questioned.

"Well, it's just- I was so nervous about telling you. You always call your students 'annoying' and 'brats' and I was just worried that you wouldn't be happy. I mean, why would this one be any different?" she enlightened him. She looked down and put her hands on her still-flat stomach. Her head then snapped up as his hand joined hers.

"Well, because this one's ours." He murmured to her. She smiled and kissed him.

"I love you." He said, stroking her face. She beamed.

"That's good, because pretty soon there's gonna be a lot more of me to love." She joked, happy tears springing to her eyes.

"I love you _both_." Phil corrected himself. He placed his hand on her stomach and kissed her again.


End file.
